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Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your reasons and relevant examples. v.1

Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Give your reasons and relevant examples. v. 1
While going through the grade level education, pupils are taught several subjects, and art is one of them. Some persons have come to the conclusion that art is an important part of the learning activity that everyone should take in school. This essay agrees with this as follows Firstly, studying how to draw is an essential part of life, as it brings out the imaginative and creative aspect of the human being. By studying it, pupils can reveal their thoughts through sketching that is inspired by what their inner mind had seen. For example, we have seen that most artist when drawing is in total concentration, as they try to recreate that which they had imagined. This would only have been possible by the teachings they got at an early age. This shows how much sketching can help to reveal possible images in the mind. Secondly, the subject isn't only relevant to artists who draw, but can also be used by other professions as well in order to depict an important aspect of their profession. For example, the information technology sector requires lots of drawings in networking and other related items. Though, this is usually achieved using a software, if the personnel don't have a creative mind, they would not be able to imagine and depict what the inner eyes could see. This also proofs the point that sketches as a course is very important for young pupils. Thirdly, architects who sketch building plans and come up with beautiful designs would not have been able to achieve it without an inner eye that can reveal what it has seen through a tool that can bring it to life. This further strengthens the fact that everyone at an early age should have a few taught classes on sketching. In conclusion, it has been proven that the subject of picture making cannot be over emphasised and that all children of ages one to twelve should be involved at one stage or the other in their formative years. Doing this, will help ensure that the future will produce persons who are capable of keeping the history and predicting the future through their paintings.
While going
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
the grade level education, pupils
are taught
several subjects, and art is one of them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
persons have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the conclusion that art is an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of the learning activity that everyone should take in school. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agrees
with this as follows

Firstly
, studying how to draw is an essential part of life, as it brings out the imaginative and creative aspect of the human being. By studying it, pupils can reveal their thoughts
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
sketching that
is inspired
by what their inner mind had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
.
For example
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that most artist when drawing is in total concentration, as they try to recreate that which they had imagined. This would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
have been possible by the teachings they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
at an early age. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
how much sketching can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to reveal possible images in the mind.

Secondly
, the subject isn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relevant to artists who draw,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
can
also
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by other professions
as well
in order to depict an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect of their profession.
For example
, the information technology sector requires lots of drawings in networking and other related items. Though, this is
usually
achieved using a software, if the personnel don't have a creative mind, they would not be able to imagine and depict what the inner eyes could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
. This
also
proofs the point that sketches as a course is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for young pupils.

Thirdly
, architects who sketch building plans and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
designs would not have been able to achieve it without an inner eye that can reveal what it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a tool that can bring it to life. This
further
strengthens the fact that everyone at an early age should have a few taught classes on sketching.

In conclusion
, it has
been proven
that the subject of picture making cannot be over
Possible spelling mistake. 'emphasised' is British English.
emphasised
and that all children of ages one to twelve should
be involved
at one stage or the other in their formative years. Doing this, will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
ensure that the future will produce persons who are capable of keeping the history and predicting the future
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
their paintings.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some international companies are very powerful now and many people believe that it is a negative development. Give your reasons and relevant examples. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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