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Some people believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v.1

Some people believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1
There is a worldwide tendency to know more than one language for professional success. Some people argue that a foreign language should be introduced to children as early as at primary school, while others claim that this should happen at secondary school. I will discuss both views before drawing a conclusion. The main reason why some people want a new language to be introduced at primary school is a belief that children under ten years old learn new languages faster. For example, a child of my friend learnt French during first two years of primary school, and by the end of the second year he became a fluent speaker. Unlike more senior learners, he progressed much faster and secured a place in a French summer school when he was eight years old. It is well known that fluency in a foreign language opens many doors to further education and, as a consequence, to a future career. Furthermore, children who are fluent in more than one language by the end of primary school can continue their education in secondary school abroad. Among those who insist on introduction to a new language only at secondary school, there is an opinion that workloads on primary students are already high. They claim that children under ten years old should have more spare time, and a new language could be learnt later, even though the progress in learning can be slower than that at primary school. However, I tend to disagree with this opinion because more subjects are started in secondary school. In conclusion, there are more reasons to begin learning a new language in primary school as it opens more educational opportunities at an early age, while postponed language course only delays the progress. I also believe that the workloads placed on primary school students can be adjusted not by the expense of important subjects like a foreign language.
There is a worldwide tendency to know more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for professional success.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
argue that a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
should
be introduced
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
as early as at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, while others claim that this should happen at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. I will discuss both views
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
drawing a conclusion.

The main reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
want a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
to
be introduced
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a belief that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
learn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
languages
faster.
For example
, a child of my friend
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
French during
first
two years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, and by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
he became a fluent speaker. Unlike more senior learners, he progressed much faster and secured a place in a French summer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
when he was eight years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.

It is well known that fluency in a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
opens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doors to
further
education and, as a consequence, to a future career.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who are fluent in more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
can continue their education in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
abroad.

Among those who insist on introduction to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, there is an opinion that workloads on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
students are already high. They claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
should have more spare time, and a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
could be
Possible spelling mistake. 'learnt' is British English.
learnt
later,
even though
the progress in learning can be slower than that at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
However
, I tend to disagree with this opinion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more subjects are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
secondary
school.

In conclusion
, there are more reasons to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
as it opens more educational opportunities at an early age, while postponed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
course
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
delays the progress. I
also
believe that the workloads placed on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
students can
be adjusted
not by the expense of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
subjects like a foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
44Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of it outweigh the disadvantages? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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