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2. Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh than the disadvantages v.2

2. Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh than the disadvantages v. 2
Nowadays, foreign language are very important for children to develop their knowledge and skills. Many experts believe that give early lesson for children about a foreign language in primary school rather than secondary school will give positive effect for children growth. Although it still has many contradiction in the society and practical, I do believe that it will give a lot beneficial for child than disadvantages for some reasons. Along with the development of technology and globalization, it is common for children to have their own gadget for studying or playing games. Also there many children books and electronic device have written in English or other language, so it is necessary to introduce basic foreign language in primary school. For the example, when I was in primary school there is English lesson that I got once in a week where the teacher told me about how to spell alphabet and memories English words that I use in daily activity. Furthermore, the language materials are very useful and applicable at that time, particularly when I watch cartoon or using computer. It is thus clear that early introduction of foreign language for children under ten years old or in primary school are perfect time for increasing their knowledge and creativity. However, this does not mean that learning of foreign language on secondary school is too late. It is because student who are in secondary school more stable to absorb the lesson than children under ten years old, so they will get easily to understand and implement the language in proper ways. In 2007 Indonesia government made a regulation for starting learning a foreign language over 12 years old. In addition, it can be seen that foreign language is important for children to learn but it should be start when the kids are ready. In conclusion, language is crucial material for every single people and also children in this communication era, one of them is a foreign language. Based on the needs and efficiency of language is better to learn and be familiar with foreign language in early as possible.
Nowadays,
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
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children
to develop their knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
experts believe that give early lesson for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
rather
than secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
will give
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect for
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children
growth. Although it
still
has
Possible agreement error. The noun contradiction seems to be countable; consider using: "many contradictions".
many contradiction
in the society and practical, I do believe that it will give a lot beneficial for child than disadvantages for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons.

Along with the development of technology and globalization, it is common for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
gadget for studying or playing games.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
books and electronic device have written in English or other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is necessary to introduce basic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. For the example, when I was in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
there is English lesson that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
once in a
It is better to use 'week' with the time-relative pronoun 'when': "week when". (Alternatively, use 'in/on which')
week where
the teacher
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
me about how to spell alphabet and memories English words that I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in daily activity.
Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
materials are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful and applicable at that time,
particularly
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
cartoon or using computer. It is
thus
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that early introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
or in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
primary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
are perfect time for increasing their knowledge and creativity.

However
, this does not mean that learning of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
on secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is too late. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
student who are in secondary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
more stable to absorb the lesson than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
under ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
easily
to understand and implement the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in proper ways. In 2007 Indonesia
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
made a regulation for starting learning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
over 12 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
In addition
, it can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
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foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
when the kids are ready.

Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is crucial material for every single
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in this communication era, one of them is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
. Based on the needs and efficiency of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
is better to learn and be familiar with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
language
in early as possible.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
43Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
The most intimate temper of a people, its deepest soul, is above all in its language.
Jules Michelet

IELTS essay 2. Some experts believe that it is better for children to begin learning a foreign language at primary school rather than secondary school. Do the advantages of this outweigh than the disadvantages v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
347 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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