Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.5

Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. v. 5
While some people believe that children ought to be sent to schools, there are many parents who feel home schooling is more advantageous. I am of the opinion that children who go to school enjoy better overall development than those who learn at home. Firstly, at school, students learn many life lessons which help them become better human beings. For example, they make new friends and learn to socialize. They are also taught moral values of sharing and caring. Secondly, most schools follow a curriculum that gives equal importance to education as well as sports. This helps children to have an all round development of both the mind and the body. Playing sport as a hobby and also competitively, helps them to learn the qualities of working in a team while also developing their physical strength. Lastly, schools provide exposure to events and activities such as career fairs and inter school competitions. This is where students are introduced to the world outside of their own school. They are provided with ample opportunities that can help them choose a promising career and to have a better life. There are some children who have special needs or require medical attention. Homeschooling is better for them because they might not receive the care and attention they need in a regular school. In such cases, home schooling is beneficial as parents will not be worried of their child’s health. Also, there are some families who live below the poverty line and they cannot afford to send children to school because of the high fees. For instance, educating a child at home will help the families to reduce additional costs such as field trips, proms, science fairs etc. To conclude, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not hard to see that home schooling may be beneficial for some children; however, for the vast majority of kids going to a regular school is a much better option because a school provides plenty of opportunities for children to learn from their peers and socialize.
While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
ought to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
feel
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
is more advantageous. I am of the opinion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
overall
development than those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
at home.

Firstly
, at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
, students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life lessons which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
human beings.
For example
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
new friends and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to socialize. They are
also
taught moral values of sharing and caring.
Secondly
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
follow a curriculum that gives equal importance to education
as well
as sports. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have an all round development of both the mind and the body. Playing sport as a hobby and
also
competitively
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
the qualities of working in a team while
also
developing their physical strength.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
provide exposure to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
and activities such as career fairs and inter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
competitions. This is where students
are introduced
to the world
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. They
are provided
with ample opportunities that can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
them choose a promising career and to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
life.

There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have special needs or require medical attention. Homeschooling is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
for them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might not receive the care and attention they need in a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. In such cases,
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
is beneficial as parents will not
be worried
of their child’s health.
Also
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
below the poverty
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
line and
they cannot afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the high fees.
For instance
, educating a child at home will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the families to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
additional costs such as field trips, proms, science fairs etc.

To conclude
, after analyzing both sides of the argument it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that
This word is normally spelled as one.
home schooling
may be beneficial for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
;
however
, for the vast majority of kids going to a regular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
option
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
from their peers and socialize.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that teaching children at home is best for a child’s development while others think that it is important for children to go to school. Discuss the advantages of both methods and give your own opinion. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
340 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts