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Some people believe that it is a good idea for young people to take a year off to travel or work between high school and university. Others say that it is better for students to go straight on to university after graduating from high school. v.1

Some people believe that it is a good idea for young people to take a year off to travel or work between high school and university. Others say that it is better for students to go straight on to university after graduating from high school. v. 1
A discussion exist between people that whether students take a break to travel or go to university directly after high school. Most students directly go to university after high school graduations. On the other hand, some students prefer to get a year off to go for a trip or job, and it is good to get a year break for vocation and relaxation. People say that it is better to have a break after school graduation because of three reasons. First, after 12 years study, our brains needs to make rest. Second, we need more experience before we go to university. For instance, a year break can give us enough experiences in both life and work. Finally, it give us sufficient time to focus on our profession choice. In brief, it is good to have a break after high school. Some people think that going to university is the best option after high school for two reasons. Firstly, you can graduate and get work sooner. As an example, a boy who graduated from high school in 18 years old can get a bachelor degree from university in 22 years old. Finally, you can start you career in a better position in your field and reach to your goal as quickly as possible. For example, a boy who graduated from engineering in 22 years old will start his career in engineering and can reach to highest position very soon. In conclusion, despite most students go to university directly, it is good to take a break for vacation and work. People have reasons on their idea about students that take a year off or go to university after high school.
A discussion exist between
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that whether
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students
take a
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break
to travel or go to
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university
directly
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
directly
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduations.
On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off to go for a trip or job, and it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for vocation and relaxation.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
say that it is better to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
graduation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of three reasons.
First
, after 12 years study, our brains needs to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
rest. Second, we need more experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
we go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
.
For instance
, a
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year
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break
can give us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
experiences in both life and work.
Finally
, it
Did you mean "gives"?
give
us sufficient time to focus on our profession choice.
In brief
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
school.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that going to
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university
is the best option after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
for two reasons.
Firstly
, you can graduate and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
work sooner. As an example, a boy who graduated from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
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school
in 18 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a bachelor degree from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
in 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Finally
, you can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
you career in a better position in your field and reach to your goal as
quickly
as possible.
For example
, a boy who graduated from engineering in 22 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
his career in engineering and can reach to
A determiner is probably missing here: "the highest".
highest
position
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
.

In conclusion
, despite most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
directly
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
to take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
break
for vacation and work.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have reasons on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
that take a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
off or go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that it is a good idea for young people to take a year off to travel or work between high school and university. Others say that it is better for students to go straight on to university after graduating from high school. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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