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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. v. 1
Whether people should be allowed to work after attaining the age of 60 or not, is debatable. It has been suggested by a few people that when people are allowed to work after the age of 60 then this will become problematic. In my opinion, it is necessary for every country to specify that people would not be eligible to work after 60's. To begin with, people who are above age 60 will take most of the jobs and results into unemployement for the younger generation. In other words, if old people do not get retirement then there will be less job opportunities left for the upcoming generation. In india, for example, some private industries has been increased the work age upto 80's which results in job scarcity for the youth. In addition, aged people becomes more prone to health related problems due to ageing. For these reasons, people should not be allowed to work in their old age. Furthermore, this would also create hurdle in the economy of the nation. Put simply, aged people do not get well with the recent technology. As, most of the jobs nowadays require technical skills which will help in boosting the economy and older people find such skills hard to learn. For instance, a recent artical revealed that 30% of the software used in the industries is replacing every year to ensure position in the international market and that can be learned if someone has qualification in it. Thus, technical skills will also become problem for the aged person. To conclude, there will be chances of problem if over 60's people are allowed to work. In my opinion, however, it is mandatory to put halt on doing work after attaining the age of 60.
Whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after attaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 or not, is debatable. It has
been suggested
by a few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 then this will become problematic. In my opinion, it is necessary for every country to specify that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not be eligible to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60's
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
60 will take most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and results into
Possible spelling mistake found.
unemployement
for the younger generation.
In other words
, if
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
retirement then there will be less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for the upcoming generation. In
Possible spelling mistake found.
india
,
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "industries".
private industries
has
been increased
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
Possible spelling mistake found.
upto
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "80s".
80's
which results in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
scarcity for the youth.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
In
addition, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
becomes
more prone to health related problems due to
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
. For these reasons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.

Furthermore
, this would
also
create hurdle in the economy of the nation. Put
simply
, aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
well with the recent technology. As, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
nowadays require technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in boosting the economy and older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to learn.
For instance
, a recent
Possible spelling mistake found.
artical
revealed that 30% of the software
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in the industries is replacing every year to ensure position in the international market and that can
be learned
if someone has qualification in it.
Thus
, technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
will
also
become problem for the aged person.

To conclude
, there will be chances of problem if over
Apostrophes aren't needed for decades: "60s".
60's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In my opinion,
however
, it is mandatory to put halt on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after attaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it will cause some problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
291 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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