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In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v.2

In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2
It has been noted that in many nations, nowadays, it has become unlawful not to accept a person who apply for a job due to his or her age. In my opinion, it is a positive development as there would be a reduction in the rate of unemployment and an improvement in economic growth. One good reason why it is not legal to deny people of certain posts due to their number of years is the need to reduce the number of unemployed humans in a nation. In other words, when companies, governments and NGOs stop employing certain age groups of individuals, especially in order to cut costs, it leads to increased number of persons who are not working, thus, leading to an increase in the rate of crime as these individuals would involve themselves in criminal acts, such as theft, in order to make ends meet. For example, it has been noted that majority of the banks in Nigeria reject middle aged workers because they feel that at their level, they must have acquired better work experience and would attract higher salary. Another point to consider is the effect of accepting workers, despite their ages, on the economy. Take for example, most advanced people who are also advanced in knowledge and skills when denied of important seats would have a negative effect on a company's output, and as a result, reduce the GDP of that facility. More so, when only the highly skilled personnel are offered appointments, the upcoming ones, especially the fresh graduates, would be jobless, and there would be lesser number of young people to take over from the elderly ones at their retirement time. In conclusion, although it might seem abnormal to see many states prohibit the rejection of employees due to their age, however, I think it has many benefits, not only to citizens but also to the nations as there would be boost in their economy.
It has
been noted
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, nowadays, it has become unlawful not to accept a person who apply for a job due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
his or her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. In my opinion, it is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development as there would be a reduction in the rate of unemployment and an improvement in economic growth.

One
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
reason why it is not legal to deny
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of certain posts due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of years is the need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of unemployed humans in a nation.
In other words
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and NGOs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
employing certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
groups of individuals,
especially
in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
costs, it leads to increased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of persons who are not working,
thus
, leading to an increase in the rate of crime as these individuals would involve themselves in criminal acts, such as theft, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
ends
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
.
For example
, it has
been noted
that majority of the banks in Nigeria reject
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
middle aged
workers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they feel that at their level, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
have acquired better work experience and would attract higher salary.

Another point to consider is the effect of accepting workers, despite their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
, on the economy. Take
for example
, most advanced
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who are
also
advanced in knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
when denied of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
seats would have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's output, and
as a result
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the GDP of that facility. More
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, when
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the
highly
skilled personnel
are offered
appointments, the upcoming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
,
especially
the fresh graduates, would be jobless, and there would be lesser
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
number
of young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to take over from the elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
at their retirement time.

In conclusion
, although it might seem abnormal to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
states prohibit the rejection of employees due to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
,
however
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to citizens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to the nations as there would be
Consider using a past participle here: "boosted".
boost
in their economy.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries it is now illegal to reject someone applying for a job because of his or her age. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
322 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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