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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it could cause problems. Do you agree or disagree? v.2

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it could cause problems. v. 2
According to some people / a few people, the external appearance and dressing style of a person can reflect their cultural values and personality traits. Personally, I disagree with the opinion that the choice of clothing should be used to deduce the character of a person. Some of the sentiments and traditions can be inferred from the dressing one chooses to wear, but it is only limited to the externalities. For example, consider the Sikhs who wear the turban. It definitely gives us an idea about the background of the person and perhaps also his nationality. Likewise, most Muslim women wear burkha to show respect for their religion. However, a burkha only reveals the religion of a woman. It does not state anything about her character or personality. A person’s lifestyle, preferences and habits, on the other hand, give more clues regarding their character and personality. For instance, I have personally met many people who dress modestly but live a life full of passion, ambition and adventure. Obviously, there is little we can deduce from their choice of clothes. Mahatma Gandhi, who earned India independence from the mighty British Empire, was greatly admired for his right conduct and honesty. He used to wear only a loin cloth to cover his body but he possessed great virtues unknown to many. At first, the British rulers chose to ignore him because they could never imagine that a half-naked fakir would one day shake the very foundations of their empire. In conclusion, the choice of clothing or external appearances are not a reflection of a person’s culture or character. They can at best show whether a person is modern or traditional. They don’t give any clues to their character or values.
According to
some
people
/ a few
people
, the external appearance and dressing style of a
person
can reflect their cultural values and personality traits.
Personally
, I disagree with the opinion that the choice of clothing should be
used
to deduce the
character
of a person.

Some of the
sentiments and traditions can
be inferred
from the dressing one chooses to
wear
,
but
it is
only
limited to the externalities.
For example
, consider the Sikhs who
wear
the turban. It definitely gives us an
idea
about the background of the
person
and perhaps
also
his nationality.
Likewise
, most Muslim women
wear
burkha
to
show
respect for their religion.
However
, a
burkha
only
reveals the religion of a woman. It does not state anything about her
character
or personality.

A
person’s
lifestyle, preferences and habits,
on the other hand
, give more clues regarding their
character
and personality.
For instance
, I have
personally
met
many
people
who dress
modestly
but
live
a life full of passion, ambition and adventure.
Obviously
, there is
little
we can deduce from their choice of clothes. Mahatma Gandhi, who earned India independence from the mighty British Empire, was
greatly
admired for his right conduct and honesty. He
used
to
wear
only
a loin cloth to cover his body
but
he possessed great virtues unknown to
many
. At
first
, the British rulers chose to
ignore
him
because
they could never imagine that a half-naked fakir would one day shake the
very
foundations of their empire.

In conclusion
, the choice of clothing or external appearances are not a reflection of a
person’s
culture or
character
. They can at best
show
whether a
person
is modern or traditional. They don’t give any clues to their
character
or values.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it could cause problems. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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