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Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes ad what solutions can be offered? v.1

Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes ad what solutions can be offered? v. 1
The way people watch films has been drastically changed over the last few years. While some people enjoy watching the films on their personal devices like phones or tablets, others like watching them in theatres. This essay will delve into both arguments of the way people prefer watching the films with suitable examples. On one hand, one reason why some of them like to watch movies in the theatre is, because of the experience they get watching it with friends and families. They think it is more fun to watch a film together rather than watching it alone. Moreover, it gives a pleasure of spending time with the loved ones. For example, a recent movie survey shows that, 90% of people in the U. K like to watch the movies in the theatre unlike watching it on the internet connected devices. Thus they come to the theatre not only to get the entertainment but also to spend time with their family or friends. Nevertheless, others prefer watching the films on their personal devices because it is cheap. In other words, movie tickets are far more expensive compared to internet streaming services like Hulu or Amazon prime, where subscribers can watch any number of movies at any time. For instance, the percentage of the public using the internet streaming devices to watch the movies, had surpassed the ones watching it the theatre due to less monthly subscription fee. They choose this as they can save the money which they could spend in purchasing the movie tickets. To conclude, in my opinion, the way people choose to watch the films depends on their preference choices. While some choose to watch it on their personal devices because it is cheap, others like to go to the cinema theatre to spend time with their family or friends.
The way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
films has been
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the last few years. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy watching the films on their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
like phones or tablets, others like watching them in
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
. This essay will delve into both arguments of the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer watching the films with suitable examples.

On one hand, one reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
is,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the experience they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
watching it with friends and families. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is more fun to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
a film together
rather
than watching it alone.
Moreover
, it gives a pleasure of spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
.
For example
, a recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that, 90% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the U. K like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
unlike watching it on the internet connected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the entertainment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or friends.

Nevertheless
, others prefer watching the films on their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
tickets are far more expensive compared to internet streaming services like Hulu or
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
Amazon prime
, where subscribers can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
any number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For instance
, the percentage of the public using the internet streaming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
, had surpassed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ones
watching it the
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
due to less monthly subscription fee. They choose this as they can save the money which they could spend in purchasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movie
tickets.

To conclude
, in my opinion, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
the films depends on their preference choices. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
choose to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
watch
it on their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
devices
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cheap
, others like to go to the cinema
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatre' is British English.
theatre
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family or friends.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
The joy of knowing a foreign language is inexpressible. I find it really difficult to express such joy in my mother tongue.
Munia Khan

IELTS essay Modern children are suffering from the disease that were once considered to be meant for adults only. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes ad what solutions can be offered? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
303 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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