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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60 it causes problems Do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60 it causes problems v. 2
Working at any age of life is always good but there are many people who believe that if individuals will be allowed to work after the age of 60 will create trouble. I completely agree with the statement and there are various reasons to support. Firstly, if the people will work after 60, there will be less scope of the new workforce to avail the new opportunities. Unemployment will curb the market and there will be a rage among candidates. Secondly, If there will be no retirements, the possibilities of the promotion will also be hindered. The growth of the employees might get delay provided that there is a new place in the organization. New employees will give new direction and ideas to the country. If people will be allowed to work after the retirement age, the health may not support and this could lead to severe health issues. Researches have shown and have been proved that after the age of 60, health and the memory of the person starts deteriorating. However, this is also certain that if humans keep on working, they keep themselves engaged and are not trapped on isolation. Although many organizations believe that an experienced person can take more wise decisions compared to a new joiner. The people will remain healthy as work will make them happy and involved. To capitulate, we cannot deny the fact that the age of 60 has been set after many surveys and researches on any human being working capacity. The government should also participate in laying strict measures for the individuals working after the age of 60.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Working
at any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of life is always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who believe that if individuals will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 will create trouble. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement and there are various reasons to support.

Firstly
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after 60, there will be less scope of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
workforce to avail the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
opportunities. Unemployment will curb the market and there will be a rage among candidates.
Secondly
, If there will be no retirements, the possibilities of the promotion will
also
be hindered
. The growth of the employees might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
delay provided that there is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
place in the organization.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
New
employees will give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
direction and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the country. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
after the retirement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, the health may not support and this could lead to severe health issues. Researches have shown and have
been proved
that after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60, health and the memory of the person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
deteriorating.

However
, this is
also
certain that if humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves engaged and are not trapped on isolation.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
organizations believe that an experienced person can take more wise decisions compared to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
joiner. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will remain healthy as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and involved.

To capitulate, we cannot deny the fact that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 has
been set
after
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
surveys and researches on any human being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
capacity. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
participate in laying strict measures for the individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60.
6Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
A different language is a different vision of life.
Federico Fellini

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60 it causes problems v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
267 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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