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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it causes problems. Do you agree or disagree? opinion. v.1

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it causes problems. opinion. v. 1
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that, Older people should be allowed to work after 60 while another thinks it should not be the case. A lion's share of the society favours it, however the rest goes adverse it. I support the latter, which I will discuss in following paragraphs with an apt example. I see eye to eye, with the central idea for various reasons. First and foremost, retirees continuing to job is that the store of knowledge possessed by the retiree is not lost. Having spent many years honing their craft, it would be a waste to lose those skill sets of the older generation when they attain the age of retirement. For example, I have observed many companies engaging their former employees after they attain the age of retirement in contract consultancy positions to ensure these valuable members of the organisation are available to coach the younger generation and provide continuity of knowledge. On the loggerhead, some critics go against the above discussed assertions. With seniority humans gets wiser, smarter and have wider knowledge. But this trend continues until a certain age, after that we go backward and start to forget everything. This is a human cycle, which has been same for centuries and it will remain the same because it is in our biological nature. Therefore, with time our cognitive abilities, analytical skills and memory gets weaker. Consequently, this affects the quality of work performed. Additionally, every organization has a hierarchical structure, where there are only limited seats available, either it will be occupied by older ones or younger one. It is quite expensive to retain employee who is at the top of the ladder than to hire a new university pass out. For example, my EVP’s salary is 25Lakh, while a Management executive earns 30, 000. In conclusion, older people should be respected, and we should ask them for guidance whenever we could, but I strongly believe that older people should vacate seats for our youth, they should be given the opportunity. This will balance the economy and society.
In the contemporary era, there is a heated argument over the issue that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to work after 60 while another
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thinks
it should not be the case. A lion's share of the society
Possible spelling mistake. 'favours' is British English.
favours
it,
however
the rest goes adverse it. I support the latter, which I will discuss in following paragraphs with an apt example.

I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
eye to eye, with the central
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
for various reasons.
First
and foremost, retirees continuing to job is that the store of knowledge possessed by the retiree is not lost. Having spent
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
years honing their craft, it would be a waste to lose those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
sets of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generation when they attain the age of retirement.
For example
, I have observed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
engaging their former employees after they attain the age of retirement in contract consultancy positions to ensure these valuable members of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
are available to coach the younger generation and provide continuity of knowledge.

On the loggerhead,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
critics go against the above discussed assertions. With seniority humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
wiser, smarter and have wider knowledge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
this trend continues until a certain age, after that we go backward and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to forget everything. This is a human cycle, which has been same for centuries and it will remain the same
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is in our biological nature.
Therefore
, with time our cognitive abilities, analytical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and memory
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
weaker.
Consequently
, this affects the quality of work performed.
Additionally
, every
Do not mix variants of the same word ('organization' and 'organisation') within a single text.
organization
has a hierarchical structure, where there are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
limited seats available, either it will
be occupied
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
ones or younger one. It is quite expensive to retain employee who is at the top of the ladder than to hire a new university pass out.
For example
, my
Possible spelling mistake found.
EVP
’s salary is 25Lakh, while a Management executive earns 30, 000.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should
be respected
, and we should ask them for guidance whenever we could,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
strongly
believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
should vacate seats for our youth, they should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the opportunity. This will balance the economy and society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after 60, it causes problems. opinion. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
350 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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