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Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it causes problems. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it causes problems. v. 1
Working methodologies are one of the most discussed topics nowadays. From this regard, it is argued by certain individuals that, if employees, who are above the age of 60 permitted to do a job, there are prospects to come across some problems. However, I fully agree with the viewpoint and this essay will outline some possible miserable outcomes. Examining the problems, even though senior individuals have a lot of working experience, they cannot easily cope with today's fast paced technological era. To elaborate, it takes lots of time for ages employees to learn advanced technologies. Thus, it would be converted into the imbalance of time management in a company. Furthermore, the high level of employment threatening to a large number of unemployment people. If elder workers work after the age of 60, it can prevent the chances for jobless people to find a good job. This, in turn, can increase more the rate of unemployment. Moreover, since senior citizens can not do a job efficiently that they used to do before, it would adversely affect on the accuracy of work. They can not be focused more on their job and companies might suffer negatively from this. Nevertheless, the other side should not be overlooked. Firstly, elder employees can guide the young people at the workplace. To illustrate, they have a great experience from their previous years of job. Consequently, they can guide the youth in some issue. Additionally, the elder workless, who are loosing their job find copiousness crisis, as they do not have financial security. Hence, they cannot enjoy their later life happily. To infer, although some elder persons can contribute even after the age of 60, many companies and underdeveloped people suffer from many problems. Nevertheless, the government should impose some beneficial laws for retired persons. The consequence of that, they can enjoy their retired life without any financial difficulties.
Working methodologies are one of the most discussed topics nowadays. From this regard, it
is argued
by certain individuals that, if employees, who are above the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60 permitted to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
, there are prospects to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems.
However
, I
fully
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the viewpoint and this essay will outline
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
possible miserable outcomes.

Examining the problems,
even though
senior individuals have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
working experience, they cannot
easily
cope with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
paced technological era. To elaborate, it takes lots of time for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
ages
employees to learn advanced technologies.
Thus
, it would
be converted
into the imbalance of time management in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
Furthermore
, the high level of employment threatening to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
unemployment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
workers work after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60, it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
the chances for jobless
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to find a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
. This, in turn, can increase more the rate of unemployment.

Moreover
, since senior citizens can not do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
efficiently
that they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
, it would
adversely
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on the accuracy of work. They can not
be focused
more on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
might suffer
negatively
from this.

Nevertheless
, the other side should not
be overlooked
.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
employees can guide the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at the workplace. To illustrate, they have a great experience from their previous years of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
.
Consequently
, they can guide the youth in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issue.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
Possible spelling mistake found.
workless
, who are loosing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
find copiousness crisis, as they do not have financial security.
Hence
, they cannot enjoy their later life
happily
.

To infer, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elder
persons can contribute even after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 60,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
and underdeveloped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
Nevertheless
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
beneficial laws for retired persons. The consequence of that, they can enjoy their retired life without any financial difficulties.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that if people are allowed to work after the age of 60, it causes problems. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
312 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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