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Nowadays newspapers publish information about the private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Nowadays newspapers publish information about the private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. v. 1
In the salad days of the millennium, the society is polarised into two groups almost equally. Regarding the notion, whether government should supervise over the news, which break the rules and publish information about individuals, private life or newspaper should get freedom to publish anything they want. However, different people have their distinct mindset. In my opinion, The authority has to control these publishers because it is against the freedom to live. To commence with the first notion, there are myriad things to share in its favour. The newspapers are crossing the limits in order to increase the sales. Although there are many issues, which are severe, in society, they publish about personal life. In order to control these media, authority must take an action on illegal printers. If bureaucrats take a reaction on this, the media will stop to print articles. To illustrate, In 2010, Ettifaq, which is the famous newspaper in Bangladesh printed an article about Siam Ahmed, who is the famous star, marriage. At that time the government took a reaction against the publisher. Hence the newspapers didn't try to publish such things. Shifting towards the second school of thought, the government has no need to react to these things because celebrities have a lot of responsibilities of society so that they should be in a polite manner. News articles are being published, but Celebies need to maintain calm. When stars stay in a polite manner, media also will write in a same kind. For an example, Sakil Khan, who is a famous actor, had cheated many girls with using his stardom. At that time, the media focused in a good way. Hence he was arrested. Every one has to do their work ten societies will success. To conclude, I believe that If authority take an action on newspapers which are printing celebrities personal matters severely, the media don't publish these things.
In the salad days of the millennium, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
Possible spelling mistake. 'polarised' is British English.
polarised
into two groups almost
equally
. Regarding the notion, whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should supervise over the news, which break the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publish
information about individuals, private life or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
freedom to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publish
anything they want.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have their distinct mindset. In my opinion, The authority
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
control these publishers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is against the freedom to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
.

To commence with the
first
notion, there are myriad things to share in its
Possible spelling mistake. 'favour' is British English.
favour
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
are crossing the limits in order to increase the sales. Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
issues, which are severe, in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publish
about personal life. In order to control these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
, authority
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
take an action on illegal printers. If bureaucrats take a reaction on this, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
to print articles. To illustrate, In 2010,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Ettifaq
, which is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
in Bangladesh printed an article about Siam Ahmed, who is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
star, marriage. At that time the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
took a reaction against the publisher.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
didn't try to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publish
such things.

Shifting towards the second school of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has no need to react to these things
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
celebrities have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
responsibilities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they should be
Consider replacing "in a polite manner" with the adverb for "polite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a polite manner
. News articles are
being published
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Possible spelling mistake found.
Celebies
need to maintain calm. When stars stay
Consider replacing "in a polite manner" with the adverb for "polite"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a polite manner
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
also
will write in a same kind. For an example,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sakil
Khan, who is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
actor, had cheated
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
girls with using his stardom. At that time, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
focused in a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Hence
he
was arrested
. Every one
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
do their work ten
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
will success.

To conclude
, I believe that If authority take an action on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspapers
which are printing celebrities personal matters
severely
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
don't
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
publish
these things.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays newspapers publish information about the private lives of individuals. Some people think the government should maintain certain control over the information that gets published, while others disagree. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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