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Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. v. 2
Many people think humans have the right to utilize animals on their own profit, others, in contrast, defend animal rights. In this essay, both views will be approached and I will explain why in my opinion, every specie that lives on the globe is essential for the existence of the rest and consequently should be respected and protected. Those who use animals for their own benefit, on the one hand, argue that animals are used to investigate treatments to improve medicine and people`s health before they are applied directly to human beings. For example, surfactant was injected into mice lungs, proving its benefits, long before it could be used in newborns to cure respiratory distress caused by the immaturity of the respiratory system. Another argument put forward, is that animals are less evolved than humans, do not feel that much pain and do not deserve respect. On the other hand, those who think animals should be protected believe, as I, that animals, no matter their size or order in the food chain, have feelings and do feel pain, stress and deserve our respect and care. Another important fact is that nonhuman species are essential for the balance and equilibrium of nature. If mice, for instance, would become extinct, many birds would become pests and not only ruin the crops but also transmit diseases to humans, making the world inhospitable for us all. In conclusion, whereas many think animals should be used in our benefit as pharmacological laboratories do, I personally believe in animal rights. Nonhuman species have feelings just as we do, and are important for the maintenance of the world`s existence and survival. Every company around the globe should, therefore, consider animal rights before making any decision that could harm them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profit, others,
in contrast
, defend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. In this essay, both views will
be approached
and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in my opinion, every specie that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
on the globe is essential for the existence of the rest and
consequently
should
be respected
and protected.

Those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefit, on the one hand, argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to investigate treatments to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
medicine and
The character between 'people' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "people’s" (curly apostrophe) or "people's" (straight apostrophe).
people`s
health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
are applied
directly
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings.
For example
, surfactant
was injected
into mice lungs, proving its benefits, long
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
it could be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in newborns to cure respiratory distress caused by the immaturity of the respiratory system. Another argument put forward, is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are less evolved than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, do not feel that much pain and do not deserve respect.

On the other hand
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be protected
believe, as I, that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
, no matter their size or order in the food chain, have feelings and do feel pain,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and deserve our respect and care. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact is that nonhuman species are essential for the balance and equilibrium of nature. If mice,
for instance
, would become extinct,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
birds would become pests and not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ruin the crops
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
transmit diseases to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
, making the world inhospitable for us all.

In conclusion
, whereas
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our benefit as pharmacological laboratories do, I
personally
believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. Nonhuman species have feelings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as we do, and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the maintenance of the
The character between 'world' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "world’s" (curly apostrophe) or "world's" (straight apostrophe).
world`s
existence and survival. Every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
around the globe should,
therefore
, consider
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
making any decision that could harm them.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
292 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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