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When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion? v.20

When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 20
One of the most conspicuous trends in today’s world is advancement in automation. Some people believe that machinery is killing the traditional skills and others argue that it is enhancing the skills into next level and the previous version becomes outdated and no longer in use. In my view, technology is not killing traditional, but in fact updating things and the below paragraphs will explain in detail. Firstly, technology makes our life more convenient and effortless to cope with the changing world; however, change is the essence of the world and latest technologies relieves human from labour intensive work in to modern methods. For example, early 18th century people used telegram for communication and now we are using text-based chat, where both are communicated, but delivery time is quick in modern methods compared to the telegram. Needless to say, innovations follows the concepts of traditional values in new methods. Secondly, another pivotal aspect is that technology is preserving ancient techniques and technologies like organic farming and cultivation. Moreover, the internet is consisting of archives of information stored for global spread. For instance, primitive medieval farming techniques are still in use and internet helps in preserving the information. Hence, it may seem that modern technology is erasing the existence, but conserving information for future generations. In conclusion, we can clearly understand that technology enhances the traditional methods and aid the existence of gathering knowledge and share for innovation. People are addicted to change and modified techniques are named as the latest technology in nowadays.
One of the most conspicuous trends in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is advancement in automation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that machinery is killing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
argue that it is enhancing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
into
next
level and the previous version becomes outdated and no longer in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. In my view,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is not killing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
in fact updating things and the below paragraphs will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
in detail.

Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our life more convenient and effortless to cope with the changing world;
however
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
is the essence of the world and latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
relieves human from
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
labour intensive
work in to modern methods.
For example
, early 18th century
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
telegram for communication and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
we are using text-based chat, where both
are communicated
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
delivery time is quick in modern methods compared to the telegram. Needless to say, innovations follows the concepts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
values in new methods.

Secondly
, another pivotal aspect is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is preserving ancient techniques and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technologies
like organic farming and cultivation.
Moreover
, the internet
The verb 'consisting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
is consisting
of archives of information stored for global spread.
For instance
, primitive medieval farming techniques are
still
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
and internet
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
in preserving the information.
Hence
, it may seem that modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
is erasing the existence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
conserving information for future generations.

In conclusion
, we can
clearly
understand that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
enhances the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traditional
methods and aid the existence of gathering knowledge and share for innovation.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
are addicted
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and modified techniques
are named
as the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
nowadays is used without 'in'. Use simply: "nowadays".
in nowadays
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
One should not aim at being possible to understand but at being impossible to misunderstand.
Marcus Fabius Quintilian

IELTS essay When a country develops its technology, the traditional skills and ways of life die out. It is pointless to try and keep them alive. with this opinion? v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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