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In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v.20

In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 20
The gradual increase of the older community in developing countries is really alarming. This will lead to a variety of negative impacts on their people and population that measures need to be introduced immediately to tackle this problem. The main problems that the extended lifespan would be caused is increasing the tax burden on a community. It is more likely that governments should put aside more expenditures to pay retired people’s pensions as they are very likely to live longer than people living in other countries. In this case, governments should levy greater taxes on working people to compensate those expenses, including health care which older people receive. In addition, young people should spend more time on looking after ageing people. However, there are some solutions may be put forward in order to mitigate this situation. Firstly, the authorities can raise the age of retirement, as today, many countries have done, the UK for example. Some might argue that as people become older, they display less effectiveness, as they are prone to more diseases, but I think today, thanks to medical advances, people can stay healthy and work longer even at ages above 60. Secondly, since today we have seen a drop in the birth rate, people should be encouraged to give more birth to already ensure there will be the young people enough to replace the older population in the future. Finally, immigration would be the last resort if all other solutions didn’t meet the needs of a society or governments require to revive their markets with younger workers. In conclusion, the augmentation of average life expectancy in developed countries is creating some problems. The governments should have immediate and appropriate measures to increase the younger population in order to keep balance in the society.
The gradual increase of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
community in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is
really
alarming. This will lead to a variety of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and population that measures need to
be introduced
immediately to tackle this problem.

The main problems that the extended lifespan would
be caused
is increasing the tax burden on a community. It is more likely that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should put aside more expenditures to pay retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
pensions as they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
longer than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living in other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In this case
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should levy greater taxes on working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to compensate those expenses, including health care which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
receive.
In addition
, young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should spend more time on looking after
Possible spelling mistake. 'ageing' is British English.
ageing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions may
be put
forward in order to mitigate this situation.
Firstly
, the authorities can raise the age of retirement, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have done, the UK
for example
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
might argue that as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
, they display less effectiveness, as they are prone to more diseases,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
, thanks to medical advances,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can stay healthy and work longer even at ages above 60.
Secondly
, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
a drop in the birth rate,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should
be encouraged
to give more birth to already ensure there will be the young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
population in the future.
Finally
, immigration would be the last resort if all other solutions didn’t
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the needs of a society or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
require to revive their markets with younger workers.

In conclusion
, the augmentation of average life expectancy in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
is creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should have immediate and appropriate measures to increase the younger population in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
balance in the society.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. v. 20

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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