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Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. v. 1
Many people think humans have the right to utilize animals for their own profit, others, in contrast, defend animal rights. In this essay, both views will be approached and I will explain why in my opinion, every specie is essential for the existence of the rest and consequently should be respected and protected. Those who support the use of animals for the benefit of humankind argue that animals are needed to investigate treatments prior to being applied to human beings. For example, many drugs were tested in mice and after being proven harmful to them, were not allowed to be used in people. Another argument put forward is that we must kill animals to survive. Children and teenagers, in this manner, need the proteins and iron from meat because vegetable sources of these are not good enough for their growth and development. On the other hand, those who think animals should be protected, believe that, no matter their size or order in the food chain, animals do feel pain and stress and deserve our respect and care. It is well proven that nonhuman species suffer and get ill, for example, when they lose a partner or become captive. Another important fact is that nonhuman species are essential for the equilibrium of nature. If mice, for instance, became extinct, many birds would turn into pests and ruin the crops. If there are not enough fresh vegetables, people might suffer from severe nutritional imbalances and diseases, such as scurvy. In conclusion, whereas it is thought by many that animals should be used in our benefit, I personally believe in defending animal rights. Nonhuman species have feelings just as we do, and are important for the maintenance of the world`s existence and survival. Everybody around the globe should, therefore, be thoughtful of animal rights and advocate for them.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
humans have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
right
to utilize
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
profit, others,
in contrast
, defend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. In this essay, both views will
be approached
and I will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why in my opinion, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
specie
is essential for the existence of the rest and
consequently
should
be respected
and protected.

Those who support the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
for the benefit of humankind argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are needed
to investigate treatments prior to
being applied
to human beings.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
drugs were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tested
in mice and after
being proven
harmful to them, were not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Another argument put forward is that we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
kill
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
to survive. Children and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
, in this manner, need the proteins and iron from meat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
vegetable sources of these are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
for their growth and development.

On the other hand
, those who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be protected
, believe that, no matter their size or order in the food chain,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
do feel pain and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and deserve our respect and care. It is well proven that nonhuman species suffer and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
ill,
for example
, when they lose a partner or become captive. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
fact is that nonhuman species are essential for the equilibrium of nature. If mice,
for instance
, became extinct,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
birds would turn into pests and ruin the crops. If there are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
fresh vegetables,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might suffer from severe nutritional imbalances and diseases, such as scurvy.

In conclusion
, whereas it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
in our benefit, I
personally
believe in defending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
. Nonhuman species have feelings
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
as we do, and are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for the maintenance of the
The character between 'world' and 's' is an accent character, not a standard apostrophe character. Use "world’s" (curly apostrophe) or "world's" (straight apostrophe).
world`s
existence and survival. Everybody around the globe should,
therefore
, be thoughtful of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rights
and advocate for them.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that humans should be able to use animals for their own benefit, while others argue that the rights of animals should be protected. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
305 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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