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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable To what extent do you agree or disagree v.2

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 2
Some hobbies are easy to be enjoyed, while others seem to present more of a challenge. From my perspective, I believe that people do not need to have difficult hobbies to gain joyfulness because both types of them can be equally fun and entertaining. On the one hand, many people enjoy easy hobbies. One example of an activity that is seen as easy is swimming. This sport requires very few equipments, it is simple to learn, and it is inexpensive. I remember learning to swim at my local swimming pool. It never felt like a demanding or challenging experience. Another hobbies that I find it easy is photography. In my opinion, anyone can take interesting pictures without knowing much about the technicalities of operating a camera. Despite being straightforward, it is a satisfying activity. On the other hand, difficult hobbies can sometimes be more exciting. If the activity become more challenging, we will feel greater sense of satisfaction when we manage to do it successfully. For example, film editing is a hobbies that requires a high level of knowledge and expertise. In my case, it takes me two years to become competent at this activity, and I enjoy it much more than I did when I started. It seems logical that many hobbies give us more pleasure if we reach a higher level of performance because the results are better, and the feelings of achievements are greater. In conclusion, simple hobbies can be fun and relaxing, but difficult hobbies can be pleasurable for different reasons.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
to
be enjoyed
, while others seem to present more of a challenge. From my perspective, I believe that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not need to have difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
to gain joyfulness
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
both types of them can be
equally
fun and entertaining.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. One example of an activity
that is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
is swimming. This sport requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
few equipments, it is simple to learn, and it is inexpensive. I remember learning to swim at my local swimming pool. It never felt like a demanding or challenging experience. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that I find it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
easy
is photography. In my opinion, anyone can take interesting pictures without knowing much about the technicalities of operating a camera. Despite being straightforward, it is a satisfying activity.

On the other hand
, difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be more exciting. If the activity become more challenging, we will feel greater sense of satisfaction when we manage to do it
successfully
.
For example
, film editing is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that requires a high level of knowledge and expertise. In my case, it takes me two years to become competent at this activity, and I enjoy it much more than I did when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
. It seems logical that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
give us more pleasure if we reach a higher level of performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the results are better, and the feelings of achievements are greater.

In conclusion
, simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be fun and relaxing,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be pleasurable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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