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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.1

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 1
It is argued that, people should adopt hobbies that require a lot of effort in order to be pleasure for an individual. This essay disagrees with this view and believe that if hobbies are challenging, it will become difficult to follow them and then talk about how such hobbies can have bad impact on human's mind. To begin with, hobbies should not be tough because people will not able to do it because it needs time and money. In other words, if a hobby is demanding, people will have to spend their precious time on them. Doing a challenging task needs a large amount of money because it is expensive. To illustrate, a recent research carried out by Cambridge University found that demanding hobbies are difficult to pursue because they demand A large quantity of time and money and they are considered a waste of money and time. So thats why people should do easy hobbies rather than difficult one's. Another factor to consider is that, tough hobbies have bad effects on individuals mind because if they start to do challenging task, they will always be in stress. To put it in other words, while doing such hobbies, they feel stressed because it requires a lot of efforts. A hobby is an  activity that relaxes our mind, but difficult hobbies create tension.   For instance, playing chess is known as the hobby that causes stress because of its difficult level. In conclusion, after having discussed pertinent points, I believe that hobbies should not be demanding rather than easy one's.
It
is argued
that,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should adopt
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that require
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
effort in order to be pleasure for an individual. This essay disagrees with this view and believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are challenging, it will become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to follow them and then talk about how such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
impact on human's mind.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
should not be tough
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not able to do it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it needs
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
In other words
, if a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is demanding,
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people
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend their precious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on them. Doing a challenging task needs a large amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is expensive. To illustrate, a recent research carried out by Cambridge University found that demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to pursue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they demand A large quantity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
money and
they
are considered
a waste of
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money
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
Possible spelling mistake found
thats
why
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people
should do easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
rather
than
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difficult
one's.

Another factor to consider is that, tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
effects on individuals mind
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do challenging task, they will always be in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
. To put it
in other words
, while doing such
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hobbies
, they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
efforts. A
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is an
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
activity that relaxes our mind,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
create tension.
Possible typo: you repeated a whitespace
 
For instance
, playing chess
is known
as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
that causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
level.

In conclusion
, after having discussed pertinent points, I believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
should not be demanding
rather
than easy one's.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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