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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v.9

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 9
A group of people think that enjoyable hobbies are activities that are considered as difficult and challenging. Although some people agree with the statement, but I personally disagree with it, since everyone has his own interest. On the one hand, several people believe that enjoyable hobbies need to be difficult and complicated. Sophisticated and challenging hobbies such as mountain climbing, bungee jumping or water rafting are considered as high risk and trigger the adrenalin. To conquer those hobbies, people need to be in a healthy condition and require them to master some sophisticated techniques. And when people could conquer these activities, they would be satisfied with the accomplishment and achievement. As for simple hobbies such as walking or reading, they believe that these activities are less challenging and boring, since everybody could do those activities, and they do not require any kind of expertise or breathtaking. On the other hand, it is undeniable that people have different interest, passion and hobby. For certain people, easy hobbies such as stamp collecting or jogging might be considered as boring, but others feel that these activities are fun and satisfying. Some people are satisfied and proud of their unique and diverse stamp collection, while others enjoy walking as it helps them in maintaining their health. Therefore, people could not rank different hobbies based on the difficulty level of the activity. In conclusion, it is true that some hobbies are difficult but others are easy, and everyone has different hobbies. I personally feel that hobbies do not need to be difficult to be enjoyable but they should be in accordance with a person's interest.
A group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
that
are considered
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
and challenging. Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the statement,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
personally
disagree with it, since everyone has his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
interest.

On the one hand, several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that enjoyable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
and complicated. Sophisticated and challenging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as mountain climbing, bungee jumping or water rafting
are considered
as high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and trigger the adrenalin. To conquer those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
need to be in a healthy condition and require them to master
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sophisticated techniques. And when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could conquer these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, they would
be satisfied
with the accomplishment and achievement. As for simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as walking or reading, they believe that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are less challenging and boring, since everybody could do those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
, and they do not require any kind of expertise or breathtaking.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
interest, passion and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
. For certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
such as stamp collecting or jogging might
be considered
as boring,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others feel that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are fun and satisfying.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are satisfied
and proud of their unique and diverse stamp collection, while others enjoy walking as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them in maintaining their health.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
could not rank
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
based on the difficulty level of the activity.

In conclusion
, it is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
others are easy, and everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
. I
personally
feel that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
do not need to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
difficult
to be enjoyable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they should be in accordance with a person's interest.
4Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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