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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.7

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 7
According to some people, only those who have demanding hobbies can have fun. I totally disagree with point of view. In my opinion, a hobby, whether it is relaxing or challenging can be pleasurable and people usually choose their hobby based on their personal skills and interest. On the one hand, some people find it more enjoyable when they spend their leisure time doing easy hobbies that are more relaxed rather than complicated. One example of an activity this is easy for most people is swimming. This loving action requires very little equipment, it is simple to learn, and it is inexpensive I remember learning to swim in my home town’s river when I was a child and I never felt like a demanding or challenging experience. Another hobby that I find easy and fun is drawing. In my opinion, anyone can draw interesting pictures of comic actors without knowing too much about the drawing. Despite being a bit difficult, drawing is a satisfying activity. On the other hand, difficult hobbies can sometimes be more exciting. If an activity is more challenging, we might feel a greater sense of satisfaction when we manage to do it successfully. For example, teaching language to children is a hobby that requires a high level of knowledge and expertise. In my case, it took me around ten years before when I start going to school, there were times when she thought us passionately. I believe that many hobbies give us more pleasure when we reach a higher level of performance because the results are better and feeling of achievement is greater. In conclusion, simple hobbies can be fun and enjoyable, but difficult hobbies can be equally pleasurable for different reasons.
According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
those who have demanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can have fun. I
totally
disagree with point of view. In my opinion, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
, whether it is relaxing or challenging can be pleasurable and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
choose their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
based on their personal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and interest.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
find it more enjoyable when they spend their leisure time doing easy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
that are more relaxed
rather
than complicated. One example of an activity this is easy for most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
swimming. This loving action requires
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
equipment, it is simple to learn, and it is inexpensive

I remember learning to swim in my home town’s river when I was a child and I never felt like a demanding or challenging experience. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
that I find easy and fun is drawing. In my opinion, anyone can draw interesting pictures of comic actors without knowing too much about the drawing. Despite being a bit difficult, drawing is a satisfying activity.

On the other hand
, difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
be more exciting. If an activity is more challenging, we might feel a greater sense of satisfaction when we manage to do it
successfully
.
For example
, teaching language to children is a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
that requires a high level of knowledge and expertise. In my case, it took me around ten years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
when I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
going to school, there were times when she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
us
passionately
. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
give us more pleasure when we reach a higher level of performance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the results are better and feeling of achievement is greater.

In conclusion
, simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be fun and enjoyable,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
difficult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
can be
equally
pleasurable for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
reasons.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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