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Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.4

Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 4
Hobbies are our way of relieving the mental pressure we encounter during our various personal or professional duties. These activities could vary from simple rituals such as solving a crossword puzzle, to much more complex events, like snorkelling. There are individuals who believe the more difficult a hobby is, the more enjoyable it will be. However, although I agree that some highly sophisticated activities are very much pleasurable, I do not think that simpler hobbies are less fun. The more complicated a hobby is, the more its sense of achievement will be. For example, the level of satisfaction people reach after a very long hiking trip to a faraway place which is hardly reachable, may be far more than one of watching a movie. This is due to two factors: the amount of time involved, and extent of physical and emotional involvement. The more time a person spends on an adventure, the more they will sense their desired sense of achievement will be when they reach their goal. Also, they will sense an emotional attachment to the journey and their fellows. This is applicable to all kinds of complex hobbies, for example video games, different kind of trips, sports and etc. On the other hand, often one can be fulfilled by much simpler acts. Reading, for example, has been a very popular hobby among all generations. The main reason activities such as watching a movie or walking cheer people up is they are not as tiresome as more complex ones. The person enjoying these kind of pastime does not have to put a plentiful physical effort to benefit from them. Thus, these activities are much more relaxing. Moreover, huge part of these hobbies do not need a great deal of time to take part, which makes them easily accessible in people's free times. Although not everyone might enjoy a part of these hobbies, they are undoubtedly enjoyed by a huge number of people. By the way of conclusion, the debate whether hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable or not seems never ending. Although the more complex entertainments such as video games are extremely enjoyable in many aspects, basic leisure activities could be highly fulfilling. Finally, I cannot agree that the level of difficulty should be the main deciding factor to assess a hobby.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Hobbies
are our way of relieving the mental pressure we encounter during our various personal or professional duties. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could vary from simple rituals such as solving a crossword puzzle,
Did you mean "too"?
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complex
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, like
Possible spelling mistake found.
snorkelling
. There are individuals who believe the more difficult a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is, the more enjoyable it will be.
However
, although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
highly
sophisticated
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
pleasurable, I do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that simpler
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
are less fun.

The more complicated a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
is, the more its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of achievement will be.
For example
, the level of satisfaction
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
reach after a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
long hiking trip to a faraway place which is hardly reachable, may be far more than one of watching a movie. This is due to two factors: the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
involved, and extent of physical and emotional involvement. The more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
a person spends on an adventure, the more they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
their desired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
of achievement will be when they reach their goal.
Also
, they will
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sense
an emotional attachment to the journey and their fellows. This is applicable to all kinds of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complex
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
,
for example
video games,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kind of trips, sports
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
one can
be fulfilled
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
simpler acts. Reading,
for example
, has been a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
among all generations. The main reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
such as watching a movie or walking cheer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
up is they are not as tiresome as more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complex
ones. The person enjoying
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of pastime does not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put a plentiful physical effort to benefit from them.
Thus
, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
more relaxing.
Moreover
, huge part of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
do not need a great deal of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
take part
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
easily
accessible in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Although not everyone might enjoy a part of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
, they are
undoubtedly
enjoyed by a huge number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

By the way of conclusion, the debate whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobbies
need to be difficult to be enjoyable or
Double negatives are discouraged in standard English. Can you reformulate this phrase or is a comma missing?
not seems never
ending. Although the more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
complex
entertainments such as video games are
extremely
enjoyable in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects, basic leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
could be
highly
fulfilling.
Finally
, I cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that the level of difficulty should be the main deciding factor to assess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hobby
.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
31Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay Some people believe that hobbies need to be difficult to be enjoyable. v. 4

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
385 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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