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In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v.1

In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 1
Most countries legislate laws to prohibit students under 16 from entering the workplace. Though some people might argue doing part-time jobs during holidays or vacations can bring forward students' exposure to the real world. However, from my perspective, it would induce two salient problems as the present essay shows. Firstly, restricting students from leaving school for work could compel them to focus on their studies. Adolescence is a crucial phase in life for people of the ages can acquire new knowledge quickly and effectively. It is undesirable to allow students to escape from academic fields and fundamental knowledge which they will need in their future lives. Thus, the most significant part of teenagers' lives should be study as it helps them polish their abilities for their respective future career. Otherwise, they are not capable of carrying out more challenging tasks and also lack the competencies of management positions. Another disadvantage pertains to the safety issues. Child labours are often too young and naive to safety issues. Worse yet, they are much more likely to suffer workplace inequality or get exploited by their employers. For instance, teenagers are physically immature, so they are probably inferior to adults in terms of stamina. When they do physical works, they may have higher risks of getting injured. Moreover, most juveniles are short of legal knowledge, so they cannot file a lawsuit against their companies once their rights such as employee benefits and insurance are infringed. In a nutshell, lifting bans on child labours can raise serious issues, including a lack of specialised abilities and concern with children's safety. Thus, I support that all children should finish compulsory education. Afterwards, they will have professional skills and maturity to handle different job positions.
Most countries legislate laws to prohibit students under 16 from entering the workplace. Though
some
people
might argue doing part-time jobs during holidays or vacations can bring forward students' exposure to the real world.
However
, from my perspective, it would induce two salient problems as the present essay
shows
.

Firstly
, restricting students from leaving school for work could compel them to focus on their studies. Adolescence is a crucial phase in life for
people
of the ages can acquire new knowledge
quickly
and
effectively
. It is undesirable to
allow
students to escape from academic fields and fundamental knowledge which they will need in their future
lives
.
Thus
, the most significant part of
teenagers
'
lives
should be study as it
helps
them polish their abilities for their respective future career.
Otherwise
, they are not capable of carrying out more challenging tasks and
also
lack the competencies of management positions.

Another disadvantage pertains to the safety issues. Child
labours
are
often
too young and naive to safety issues. Worse
yet
, they are much more likely to suffer workplace inequality or
get
exploited by their employers.
For instance
,
teenagers
are
physically
immature,
so
they are
probably
inferior to adults in terms of stamina. When they do physical works, they may have higher
risks
of getting injured.
Moreover
, most juveniles are short of legal knowledge,
so
they cannot file a lawsuit against their
companies
once their rights such as employee benefits and insurance
are infringed
.

In a nutshell, lifting bans on child
labours
can raise serious issues, including a lack of
specialised
abilities and concern with children's safety.
Thus
, I support that all children should finish compulsory education. Afterwards, they will have professional
skills
and maturity to handle
different
job positions.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In some countries, children under 16 are not allowed to leave school by law and get full-time work. Is this a good or bad thing? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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