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It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. v.2

It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. v. 2
The budget provides by governments needed to be used effectively. There are several sectors that need government's budget. However, when governments spend too much money to protect and preserve the wildlife, most people are not satisfied. In this essay I will discuss and give ideas about the usage of money by the governments. First of all, sometimes the government spends too much money on preserving wildlife. This makes some groups of people unsatisfied. However, there are several reasons why the authorities need to protect this organism. First, wildlife can keep the balance of nature. Second of all, the governments may already consider that there is money left that can be used to support this. However, there are some problems from different sectors that need help and support from the politics. Positive externalities which are the positive outcomes that spilled on people who are not involved in the consumption or production. Governments should subsidize the money to hospitals, which in the long-term can be beneficial to people in the country. For example, free vaccination for babies or children, it will limit the spread of diseases in the public. Another example is that free training and education. With this help, countries will have labours who have useful skills and also reduce the unemployment rate in the countries. In my point of view, when people say that government spend too much money on protecting wildlife, it may be because they want an attention from the government. On the other hand, government needs to balance their budgets and also assure that it is divided into different part reasonably as well. In conclusion, it is possible that the governments spend too much of money on protecting the wildlife, but at the same time they should also consider the different sectors of the countries as well, for example health cares and schools.
The budget provides by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
needed to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
effectively
. There are several sectors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
's budget.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to protect and preserve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not satisfied. In this essay I will discuss and give
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
about the usage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
by the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spends
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on preserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
groups of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
unsatisfied.
However
, there are several reasons why the authorities
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to protect this organism.
First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the balance of nature. Second of all, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
may already consider that there is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
that can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to support this.

However
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
and support from the politics.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Positive
externalities which are the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
outcomes that spilled on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are not involved in the consumption or production.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Governments
should subsidize the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to hospitals, which in the long-term can be beneficial to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the country.
For example
, free vaccination for babies or children, it will limit the spread of diseases in the public. Another example is that free training and education. With this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
, countries will have
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
who have useful
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the unemployment rate in the countries.

In my point of view, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
, it may be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they want an attention from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
needs
to balance their budgets and
also
assure that it
is divided
into
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
part
reasonably
as well
.

In conclusion
, it is possible that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
much
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on protecting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
wildlife
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
at the same time they should
also
consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sectors of the countries
as well
,
for example
health cares and schools.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
38Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
We should learn languages because language is the only thing worth knowing even poorly.
Kató Lomb

IELTS essay It is often said that governments spend too much money on projects to protect wildlife, while there are other problems that are more important. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
306 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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