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Some people believe that higher education is for all students. Other people believe that higher education is only suitable for certain students. Which opinion do you think is better and why? v.1

Some people believe that higher education is for all students. Other people believe that higher education is only suitable for certain students. Which opinion do you think is better and why? v. 1
Since the world is globalized, the trend towards immigrating to other countries has become increasingly popular. Some people say that newcomers should adapt to the local culture and customs as an immigrant. I totally agree with this notion because while understanding and following the culture people can easily assimilate with the local community and need not to concern about offending their tradition. Today, the number of people who are moving to other countries are vastly outnumbered. While moving to a new country, adapting to the new environment is often a daunting task for many people due to the cultural difference. Therefore, I believe that acquiring knowledge of a country’s traditional prior to the arrival and having an open mindset to purse different culture is imperative in order to get along with the native people. The United States of America, for instance, is famous for its immigration program as a high amount of students and job seekers are immigrating every year; therefore, the government has a training program, under which immigrants should be trained about the American culture and tradition. Thus, people would not face difficulty in leaving. Additionally, it has been witnessed that numerous local people may get offended if a newcomer does not follow their customs. Many people have sentimental values towards their culture and so it should also be followed by the newcomers in order to cope with indigenous people. According to the Indian culture, people should not wear footwear inside the temple so when a tourist or an immigrant break the habit that has been conventionally followed for centuries, local people get offended which jeopardise their relationship with others. In conclusion, I am of the opinion that individuals should abide by the customs and traditions of a new nation in order to assimilate with native people and aware of their cultural values as it could possibly offend them.
Since the world
is globalized
, the trend towards immigrating to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has become
increasingly
popular.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that newcomers should adapt to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and customs as an immigrant. I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this notion
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
while understanding and following the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
easily
assimilate with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
community and need not
Did you mean "concern"?
to concern
about offending their tradition.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are moving to other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are
vastly
outnumbered. While moving to a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, adapting to the new environment is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
a daunting task for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to the cultural difference.
Therefore
, I believe that acquiring knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country’s
traditional prior to the arrival and having an open mindset to purse
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
is imperative in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
along with the native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. The United States of America,
for instance
, is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
for its immigration program as a high amount of students and job seekers are immigrating every year;
therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has a training program, under which immigrants should
be trained
about the American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and tradition.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would not face difficulty in leaving.

Additionally
, it has
been witnessed
that numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
offended if a newcomer does not follow their customs.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have sentimental values towards their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it should
also
be followed
by the newcomers in order to cope with indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. According to the Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not wear footwear inside the temple
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
when a tourist or an immigrant break the habit that has been
conventionally
followed for centuries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
offended which
Possible spelling mistake. 'jeopardise' is British English.
jeopardise
their relationship with others.

In conclusion
, I am of the opinion that individuals should abide by the customs and traditions of a new nation in order to assimilate with native
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and aware of their cultural values as it could
possibly
offend them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
26Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Some people believe that higher education is for all students. Other people believe that higher education is only suitable for certain students. Which opinion do you think is better and why? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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