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Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.2

Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. v. 2
Nowadays, it’s very popular to buy things online from the Internet such as clothes, gifts or book tickets and make reservations for hotel rooms if you are planning to travel. There are plenty of benefits to buy things online for some items in contrast with the disadvantages of this. The advantages of buying things from the internet are several. Initially, one of the most significant benefit is that you don’t require to wait to buy something in line or in fitting room. Moreover, you have the time to see everything that a store has in pictures and their descriptions as well, compared to be there because of the crowding and you cannot look all the clothes or books. From websites you can choose your size or the quantity of the things that you want, and it comes to your house. In addition, you can manage your money correctly because you must buy by card or in a bank account and you can control how much you are spending. For example, you don’t need to use your car, and as a result you don’t spend gas. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages. Firstly, sometimes it is dangerous to buy online, as cases of personal data theft have been reported, known as credit fraud. For instance, if someone stole your data can buy things by using your money. Furthermore, another drawback is the delivery time. Most of the online shops deliver their products by 30 days minimum. Consequently, you must expect it, and it is not convenient if you need something immediately. To sum up, the advantages overweigh the disadvantages and what I have been mentioning are a few from a lot. I believe, the popularity of buying online it will be increased a lot more in the next years.
Nowadays, it’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
popular to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
from the Internet such as clothes, gifts or book tickets and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
reservations for hotel rooms if you are planning to travel. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
of benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
items
in contrast
with the disadvantages of this.

The advantages of buying things from the internet are several.
Initially
, one of the most significant
Please check whether a plural form of 'benefit' should be used.
benefit
is that you don’t require
Did you mean "waiting"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'require' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to wait
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
something in line or in fitting room.
Moreover
, you have the time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
everything that a store has in pictures and their descriptions
as well
, compared to be there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the crowding and you cannot look all the clothes or books. From
The comma is probably missing here: "websites, you".
websites you
can choose your size or the quantity of the things that you want, and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
to your
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
.
In addition
, you can manage your money
correctly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
by card or in a bank account and you can control how much you are spending.
For example
, you don’t need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
your car, and
as a result
you don’t spend gas.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, as cases of personal data theft have
been reported
, known as credit fraud.
For instance
, if someone stole your data can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buy
things by using your money.
Furthermore
, another drawback is the delivery time. Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
shops deliver their products by 30 days minimum.
Consequently
, you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
it, and it is not convenient if you need something immediately.

To sum up, the advantages
Possible spelling mistake found.
overweigh
the disadvantages and what I have been mentioning are a few from a lot. I believe, the popularity of buying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
it will
be increased
a lot more in the
next
years.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that governments should pay for healthcare and education, but others disagree with this opinion. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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