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More Children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own experience. v.5

More Children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 5
In a modern era, most of the children in healthy nations are becoming overweight. Moreover, this is a major problem for wealthy countries due to some reasons. This essay will discuss some aspects as well as effects of this obstacle before coming to a reasoned conclusion. To commence with, there are some aspects available due to this problem. First of all, children's do not like to eat their own homemade food but, they like to eat oily and fatty food. This means youngsters give most importance to restaurants food and oily food this leads to overweight. Secondly, people like to eat healthy food not nutrition food because heathy food contains most unconscious things not conscious. Although, in this way it causes most problems in children's life. Nevertheless, they become healthy and fatty in healthy countries. To illustrate in India, there are some healthy and unconscious food available in different restaurants at different destinations. Due to available these unconscious food it causes most obstacle in healthy nations. Furthermore, there are some effects available due to this serious problem. Mostly, it effects on individuals health because they eat oily as well as healthy food instead of their own homemade food. So, it effects on their health. Secondly, it causes many health problems, due to unconscious food like obesity asthama and so on. These problems causes due to healthy food in healthy nations. Lastly, it effects on health in different manner it means childrens eat healthy food such as burgers, sandwiches etcetra. In this way individuals become overweight and obese people. To conclude, people as well as authorities put their hand to resolve this obstacle. parents also put their own hand to solve this major concern. In this way they save their own childrens life as well as save nation.
In a modern era, most of the children in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nations are becoming overweight.
Moreover
, this is a major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
for wealthy countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. This essay will discuss
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as effects of this obstacle
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
coming to a reasoned conclusion.

To commence with, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
aspects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, children's do not like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, they like to
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eat
oily and fatty
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This means youngsters give most importance to restaurants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and oily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
this leads to overweight.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
not nutrition
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Possible spelling mistake found.
heathy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
contains most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unconscious
things not conscious.
“Although” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Although
, in this way it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
in children's life.
Nevertheless
, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and fatty in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
countries. To illustrate in India, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
unconscious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
restaurants at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
destinations.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Due
to
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available
these
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unconscious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
causes
most obstacle in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nations.

Furthermore
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
effects
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
due
to this serious
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problem
.
Mostly
, it effects on
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "individuals'" or "individual's"?
individuals
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health
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
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eat
oily as
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well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
instead
of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homemade
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, it effects on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Secondly
, it
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causes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
,
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due
to
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unconscious
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food
like obesity
Possible spelling mistake found.
asthama
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. These
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problems
You should probably use "cause".
causes
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due
to
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healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
nations.
Lastly
, it effects on
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health
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
manner it means childrens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
such as burgers, sandwiches
Possible spelling mistake found.
etcetra
. In this way individuals become overweight and obese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

To conclude
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as authorities put their hand to resolve this obstacle.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
parents
also
put their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
hand to solve this major concern. In this way they save their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
life as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
as
The word "save" is a verb. Did you mean the adjective "safe"?
save
nation.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
61Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Mistakes
Learning another language is not only learning different words for the same things, but learning another way to think about things.
Flora Lewis

IELTS essay More Children in developed countries are becoming overweight. This is a serious problem for wealthy countries. Discuss some causes and effects of this problem. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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