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Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v.2

Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v. 2
Some people hold a view that the construction of more fitness centers will improve the well-being of general public, while others believe that this is not an effective approach. This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion. On the one hand, there are several reasons why the number of sport centres should be increased by the authority. The first reason is due to the lack of sports facilities that hinders people from taking physical exercise on a daily basis. Therefore, a rise in the number of fitness centres can meet the demand for sport activities of people of all ages as they can train in a nearby center. Moreover, since these places are fully equipped with modern facilities and machines, this will create a favourable condition for gym goers to train in a more efficient way. They could also invite friends or relatives to join gym activities with them, which build up the habit of taking regular exercise. On the other hand, I believe that this measure has little impact on enhancing people’s health. It is a fact that only a minority of people utilize facilities at sports centres to keep fit, which means the vast majority of people do not benefit from this programme. Furthermore, modern diseases are triggered by various factors, such as eating unhealthy food and neglecting regular checkups. Hence, it is recommended that governments and health authorities put health education among the masses high on their agenda and raise public awareness on health issues. This can be accomplished by delivering information on how to lead a healthy lifestyle to every household, and putting stringent regulations on the fast food industry. In conclusion, I believe that there is no need to increase the number of sports facilities in order to improve people’s health conditions. There are numerous better measures to help some people to establish an active lifestyle.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold a view that the construction of more fitness centers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the well-being of
Consider using "public".
general public
, while others believe that this is not an effective approach. This essay will discuss both views and give my opinion.

On the one hand, there are several reasons why the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
should
be increased
by the authority. The
first
reason is due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities that hinders
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from taking physical exercise on a daily basis.
Therefore
, a rise in the number of fitness
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
activities of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of all ages as they can train in a nearby center.
Moreover
, since these places are
fully
equipped with modern facilities and machines, this will create a
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourable' is British English.
favourable
condition for gym goers to train in a more efficient way. They could
also
invite friends or relatives to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
join
gym activities with them, which build up the habit of taking regular exercise.

On the other hand
, I believe that this measure has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
impact on enhancing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. It is a fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a minority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
utilize facilities at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit, which means the vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not benefit from this
Possible spelling mistake. 'programme' is British English.
programme
.
Furthermore
, modern diseases
are triggered
by various factors, such as eating unhealthy food and neglecting regular checkups.
Hence
, it
is recommended
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
authorities put
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
education among the masses high on their agenda and raise public awareness on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. This can
be accomplished
by delivering information on how to lead a healthy lifestyle to every household, and putting stringent regulations on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food industry.

In conclusion
, I believe that there is no need to increase the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sports
facilities in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
conditions. There are numerous better measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to establish an active lifestyle.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
18Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that government should increase the number of sports facilities to improve public health, while other believe this has little effect and we need other measures to improve it. Discuss and give your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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