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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 1
There is an opinion that people who work in entertainment receive too high salaries, and their impact on others is unfavorable; however, the opponents say that these individuals should be paid large amounts since they bring benefits to society. Even though show-business stars sometimes do not lead proper lifestyles, I believe that their talents make a huge difference for the lives of ordinary people. On the one hand, enetrtainers obtain excessive remuneration, which they allegedly spent on their unhealthy lifestyles. Not only do some drink alcohol, but some also consume drugs, and this can set a negative example for their fans. For instance, a few months ago, while being drunk, Lady Gaga gave an interview, which was watched by many teenagers who look up to this singer. From my perspective, however, media outlets often filter inappropriate content with entertainers; therefore, celebrities still deserve to receive high pay despite their occasional misbehavior. On the other hand, people who work in music, cinematography, and art ought to be paid large sums of money because they brighten up others’ mood. If a person has a dull job and feels exhausted after a hard-working day, they can watch they favorite TV program, or listen to a beautiful song, which would make them happier; thus, entertainers who produce such media content are very beneficial for society. When my family is tired and stressed, for example, we listen to James Corden’s comedy shows, which enhance our mood significantly. So, I completely agree that show-business stars ought to be paid high salaries. In conclusion, although entertainers sometimes show a negative example to their followers by doing wrong things, I am of the opinion that they should be highly-paid since they carry out an important mission of helping ordinary people to have some fun.
There is an opinion that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in entertainment receive too high salaries, and their impact on others is unfavorable;
however
, the opponents say that these individuals should
be paid
large amounts since they bring benefits to society.
Even though
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-business stars
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not lead proper lifestyles, I believe that their talents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a huge difference for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

On the one hand,
Possible spelling mistake found.
enetrtainers
obtain excessive remuneration, which they allegedly spent on their unhealthy lifestyles. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drink alcohol,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
also
consume drugs, and this can set a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example for their fans.
For instance
, a few months ago, while
being drunk
, Lady Gaga gave an interview, which was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watched
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
look up to this singer. From my perspective,
however
, media outlets
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
filter inappropriate content with entertainers;
therefore
, celebrities
still
deserve to receive high pay despite their occasional misbehavior.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
work in music, cinematography, and art ought to
be paid
large sums of money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they brighten up others’ mood. If a person has a dull job and feels exhausted after a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
-working day, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
they favorite TV program, or listen to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
song, which would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happier;
thus
, entertainers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
produce such media content are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for society. When my family
is tired
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
,
for example
, we listen to James
Possible spelling mistake found.
Corden
’s comedy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, which enhance our mood
significantly
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
-business stars ought to
be paid
high salaries.

In conclusion
, although entertainers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
example to their followers by doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
things, I am of the opinion that they should be
highly
-paid since they carry out an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
mission of helping ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fun.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
Speak a new language so that the world will be a new world.
Rumi

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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