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Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 2
Undoubtedly, art is usually considered as a ubiquitous factor to raise the awareness and realization of people. Nowadays, some people criticize the high wages of celebrities and argue about their negative influence on the society, while, other people support this phenomenon. I am of the belief that the higher wages of artists have two main side effects on the society. Both views will be further clarified below. To begin with, entertainers have become paid too much in comparison to people with other occupations; this has led to an obvious gap between the individuals. In other words, many employees receive less than eighteen thousand pounds yearly, while the annual revenue for some celebrities might surpass millions. Many Egyptian celebrities, for example, are paid more than forty or fifty million pounds for one work per year. Moreover, recently, the level of the art has sharply declined causing family disturbances and social unrest that, in turn, leading to moral deviation in the society. On the other hand, some people agree that entertainers deserve these high fees due to the hardships that they may encounter throughout their work. Public figures are usually exposed to a loss of private life; they always have been followed by media, journalists, and photographers that may have their dire consequences not only on their health, but also on their family ties. This has been proved by the debilitating depression that an American actor, Robin William, have suffered from that ended to his suicide in 2016. Having presented both points of view, it can be concluded that the psychological disorders have their detrimental effects on the people, even if they either are wealth or famous. Furthermore, I believe that entertainers have to be cautious with the value of what they present to their society.
Undoubtedly
, art is
usually
considered as a ubiquitous factor to raise the awareness and realization of
people
. Nowadays,
some
people
criticize the high wages of celebrities and argue about their
negative
influence on the society, while,
other
people
support this phenomenon. I am of the belief that the higher wages of artists have two main side effects on the society. Both views will be
further
clarified below.

To
begin
with, entertainers have become paid too much
in comparison
to
people
with
other
occupations; this has led to an obvious gap between the individuals. In
other
words,
many
employees receive less than eighteen thousand pounds yearly, while the annual revenue for
some
celebrities might surpass millions.
Many
Egyptian celebrities,
for example
,
are paid
more than forty or fifty million pounds for one work per year.
Moreover
, recently, the level of the art has
sharply
declined causing family disturbances and social unrest that, in turn, leading to moral deviation in the society.

On the
other
hand,
some
people
agree
that entertainers deserve these high fees due to the hardships that they may encounter throughout their work. Public figures are
usually
exposed to a loss of private life; they always have
been followed
by media, journalists, and photographers that may have their dire consequences not
only
on their health,
but
also
on their family ties. This has
been proved
by the debilitating depression that an American actor, Robin William, have suffered from that ended to his suicide in 2016.

Having presented both points of view, it can
be concluded
that the psychological disorders have their detrimental effects on the
people
, even if they either are wealth or
famous
.
Furthermore
, I believe that entertainers
have to
be cautious with the value of what they present to their society.
16Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
10Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are paid too much and their impact on the society is negative, while others disagree and believe that they deserve the money they make because of their positive effect on others. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
294 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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