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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.8

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 8
It is often argued that entertainers are more influential and prime characters of the society by many people. However, I believe that scientists have greater importance than entertainers. Firstly, scientific people invent new technology to improve the quality of human life. What I mean by this is that the new things discovered by them mostly ease the daily life of mankind as tend to use them. Moreover, they always think about the difficulties of humans and animals and try to invest more time and energy to bring the change. For example, the invention of aeroplane saved lots of time for travellers as they initially used slow means of transportation. Additionally, they always try to improve the efficiency of existing systems. That is why scientific people are role models of the society. The Second reason is that most of the scientists risk their life in developing medicines that are harmful or hazardous. In other words, there are many deadly diseases in the world that are transmitted to a human body even through a touch. Medical researchers often have to deal with this kind of situations, where they should not think of their life, in developing a solution. For Instance, during the deadly outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa, many doctors have risked their lives to treat them. In addition to this, they often encounter new challenges like the danger from the harsh chemicals in the labs or from the financial burdens if they fail. Hence, these difficulties prove that they are more important to the society. To sum up, although entertainers are more popular for their daily shows, Science people are the principal figures of the world. It is their courage and interest to discover new technologies are the reasons of why they are in the front position.
It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
argued that entertainers are more influential and prime characters of the society by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, I believe that scientists have greater importance than entertainers.

Firstly
, scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technology to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the quality of human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. What I mean by this is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
things discovered by them
mostly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of mankind as tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
them.
Moreover
, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
about the difficulties of humans and animals and try to invest more time and energy to bring the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
.
For example
, the invention of
Possible spelling mistake. 'aeroplane' is British English.
aeroplane
saved lots of time for
Possible spelling mistake found.
travellers
as they
initially
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
slow means of transportation.
Additionally
, they always try to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the efficiency of existing systems.
That is
why scientific
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are role models of the society.

The Second reason is that most of the scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
their
Did you mean "lives"?
life
in developing medicines that are harmful or hazardous.
In other words
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
deadly diseases in the world that
are transmitted
to a human body even through a touch. Medical researchers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with this kind of situations, where they should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, in developing a solution.
For Instance
, during the deadly outbreak of Ebola virus in West Africa,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
doctors have risked their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
to treat them.
In addition
to this, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
encounter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
challenges like the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
from the harsh chemicals in the labs or from the financial burdens if they fail.
Hence
, these difficulties prove that they are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the society.

To sum up, although entertainers are more popular for their daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
, Science
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are the principal figures of the world. It is their courage and interest to discover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
technologies are the reasons of why they are in the front position.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 8

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
9.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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