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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists? Do you agree or disagree? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience? v.2

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience? v. 2
Whether entertainers or scientists are imperative in human life, this question is a very controversial one. The Jokers communities satisfy the psyche of people while scientists enhance the knowledge of individual and society. For that reason, i am, partially, agree to this content, because i think that science and technology as well as the entertainment world are equally pivotal to human being. First and foremost, it is true that recreation from any types make people hilarious which helps to turn over their hectic life. Actually, these days people are busy with their schedules so that they feel stressed, which increases various types of respiratory and brain - related disease such as lung cancer, phychosomatic illnesses, et Cetra. In addition, working class people feel monotony due to boring routine which not only affects their body, but this also, invariably, cripples some part of their bones like spinal cord for sitting long hours in the chair. That is why, amusement in-between working in the office or business plays a very significant role which succours them to overcome all the physical difficulties and boredom of life. On the other side, scientists are also an essential part of beings due to many facts. Firstly, they are the contributor in our society which has been developed by lots of inventions and discoveries and that have made possible by the scientists. Moreover, all types of equipments, which even the common people, whether the rich or the poor is using, have been introduced to them with stupendous efforts of inventors and discoverers. This, certainly, helps people's life easy and confident, people are progressing through this technology. Furthermore, scientists are contributing to the economic growth of the country. Ergo, it is no doubt that science and scientific technology invented by the scientists do have benefits to human life. In conclusion, some people believe that the world of entertainment is bringing some privilege to humans rather than scientists. From my opinion, both of them have a special place in the heart of human being, since entertainers and intellectuals have a great contribution of life which has achieved and entertained by the blessing of both segregated beings.
Whether entertainers or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are imperative in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, this question is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
controversial one. The Jokers communities satisfy the psyche of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
enhance the knowledge of individual and society. For that reason,
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
am,
partially
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
to this content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that science and technology
as well
as the entertainment world are
equally
pivotal to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being.

First
and foremost, it is true that recreation from any types
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hilarious which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
to turn over their hectic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. Actually, these days
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are busy with their schedules
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, which increases various types of respiratory and brain
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
related disease such as lung cancer,
Possible spelling mistake found.
phychosomatic
illnesses,
Possible spelling mistake found.
et
Possible spelling mistake found.
Cetra
.
In addition
, working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel monotony due to boring routine which not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
affects their body,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this
also
,
invariably
, cripples
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
part of their bones like spinal cord for sitting long hours in the chair.
That is
why, amusement in-between working in the office or business plays a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
significant role which
Possible spelling mistake found.
succours
them to overcome all the physical difficulties and boredom of life.

On the other side,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are
also
an essential part of beings due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
facts.
Firstly
, they are the contributor in our society which has
been developed
by lots of inventions and discoveries and that have made possible by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
.
Moreover
, all types of equipments, which even the common
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, whether the rich or the poor is using, have
been introduced
to them with stupendous efforts of inventors and discoverers. This,
certainly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
easy and confident,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are progressing through this technology.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
are contributing to the economic growth of the country. Ergo, it is no doubt that science and scientific technology invented by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
do have benefits to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
life.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that the world of entertainment is bringing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
privilege to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
humans
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
scientists
. From my opinion, both of them have a special place in the heart of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
being, since entertainers and intellectuals have a great contribution of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which has achieved and entertained by the blessing of both segregated beings.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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