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In many cities, old buildings are being destroyed to create more space for new housing. What is your opinion? v.1

In many cities, old buildings are being destroyed to create more space for new housing. What is your opinion? v. 1
There is no doubt that the ancient premises are part of heritage for any civilization. While nowadays in several metropolitan towns longstanding structures are under demolition, in order to provide adequate area for ultra modern residential schemes. I strongly agree with this initiative, and will support my opinion in subsequent paragraphs. Firstly, the main purpose of destruction of aging constructions is that they are not safe for individuals to live in peace of mind. This is because such premises are vulnerable to the natural disaster, and a risk to safety. For example, in the town where I live, itself surrounded by cracking cottages, which are treacherous, and unsafe for residency. However, these properties are dangerous for citizens, and authorities should replace them with modern accommodation. As a result, the people who live in towns will get safe and secure locality. On the other hand, my view is that these modern residential projects are crucial because these can help citizens to get a house with essential amenities. The reason for this is that modern architecture is resilient to catastrophes such as earthquake, also built with cutting-edge technology. For instance, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai is a landmark of civil engineering, which is equipped with speedy elevators, centralised heating and cooling system, and automatic climate controlled glass windows. In contrast, older structures cannot accommodate such modern facilities. Therefore, if local governments implement such marvellous plans, then people will get a safe and comfortable place for living. In conclusion, although the ancient premises are a reflection of our ancestors' efforts. But in my opinion, the prospects of a modern accomodation are considerably on higher side and crucial for the people's well-being.
There is no doubt that the ancient premises are part of heritage for any civilization. While nowadays in several metropolitan towns longstanding structures are under demolition, in order to provide adequate area for ultra
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
residential schemes. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this initiative, and will support my opinion in subsequent paragraphs.

Firstly
, the main purpose of destruction of aging constructions is that they are not safe for individuals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in peace of mind. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such premises are vulnerable to the natural disaster, and a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
to safety.
For example
, in the town where I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
, itself surrounded by cracking cottages, which are treacherous, and unsafe for residency.
However
, these properties are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
for citizens, and authorities should replace them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
accommodation.
As a result
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in towns will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
safe and secure locality.

On the other hand
, my view is that these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
residential projects are crucial
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
citizens to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
with essential amenities.
The reason for this is
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
architecture is resilient to catastrophes such as earthquake,
also
built with cutting-edge technology.
For instance
, the
Possible spelling mistake found.
Burj
Khalifa in Dubai is a landmark of civil engineering, which
is equipped
with speedy elevators,
Possible spelling mistake. 'centralised' is British English.
centralised
heating and cooling system, and automatic climate controlled glass windows.
In contrast
, older structures cannot accommodate such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
facilities.
Therefore
, if local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
implement such
Possible spelling mistake. 'marvellous' is British English.
marvellous
plans, then
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a safe and comfortable place for living.

In conclusion
, although the ancient premises are a reflection of our ancestors' efforts.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
in my opinion, the prospects of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
accomodation
are
considerably
on higher side and crucial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's well-being.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
9Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay In many cities, old buildings are being destroyed to create more space for new housing. What is your opinion? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
9
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 9.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 9.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 9.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 9.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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