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Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Do you agree or disagree? Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v.5

Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 5
Nowadays, the questions of whether students should study academic courses or vocational ones has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although studying practical subjects is not without advantages, academic subjects should be more emphasized. There are a number of benefits of studying vocational subjects. First, since students want to earn money to make a living as soon as possible, practical courses are appreciated. In facts, vocational subjects, such as motor mechanics and cooking provide students practical skills and work experience without committing fours years of college, which making them to support themselves and raise their family. Second, by simplifying vocational training, the economy can reach a balance of the labour market. For example, some developed countries, like Canada or Japan are exporting labours because of the shortage of employee who do manual jobs which are unskilled and skilled worker, thus lead to necessity of practical training. On the other hand, academic subjects have significant advantages. First, in order to land a decent job, having access higher education plays an important role. This means that education courses prepare for students specialized knowledge containing fundamental theories to do complex jobs, such as doctors or engineers which require deeper understanding nature of subjects, thus making them become competitive on the labour market. Second, if students have access to tertiary education, they will be armed vital skills to become more confident in the future. Plenty of evidence suggests that activities at university, like teamwork, presentation or discussion, promote students to develop soft – skills, such as problem – solving ability, communication skills, logical thinking and cognitive thinking, which helps them become proactive younger in the modern life. In conclusion, the advantages of academic courses are more significant. By focusing all the pro and cons, students can make the best decision.
Nowadays, the questions of whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
or vocational ones has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although studying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
is not without advantages,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
should be more emphasized.

There are a number of benefits of studying vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
.
First
, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
want to earn money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as possible,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are appreciated
. In facts, vocational
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
, such as motor mechanics and cooking provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and work experience without committing fours years of college, which making them to support themselves and raise their family. Second, by simplifying vocational training, the economy can reach a balance of the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed countries
, like Canada or Japan are exporting
Possible spelling mistake. 'labours' is British English.
labours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the shortage of employee who do manual jobs which
are unskilled
and skilled worker,
thus
lead to necessity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
practical
training.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
have significant advantages.
First
, in order to land a decent job, having access higher education plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role. This means that education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
prepare for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
specialized knowledge containing fundamental theories to do complex jobs, such as doctors or engineers which require deeper understanding nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
subjects
,
thus
making them become competitive on the
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
market. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
have access to tertiary education, they will
be armed
vital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
to become more confident in the future.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Plenty
of evidence suggests that activities at university, like teamwork, presentation or discussion, promote
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to develop soft
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, such as problem
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
–
solving ability, communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
, logical thinking and cognitive thinking, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them become proactive younger in the modern life.

In conclusion
, the advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are more significant. By focusing all the pro and cons,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the best decision.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that entertainers are more important than scientists. Support with reasons and examples from your own experience. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
298 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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