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The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island according to a survey of visitors Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant v.1

The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island according to a survey of visitors
It is observed by many that these days one paper is becoming the criteria to measure the efficiency of a child; but many persons are claiming that, it has to be assessed regularly to get the efficient results. Otherwise the country will lose the talent and innovation in the upcoming period. Individuals can feel the numerous disadvantages of having a single form to explore the intelligence and capacity over than fewer benefits. Society is having limited advantages of taking one exam to check the capability, firstly, the benefit of having the single exam is time effective, efforts of the examiner spent less as they have to schedule and examine the applicant for a day or for a few hours only, thus they can judge numerous persons in one shot. Secondly, resources get saved in an immense amount. The observer has to spend and make arrangements for the short term during the whole course; therefore money and energy get saved. The limitations of having the capable person through a single exam are huge, for instance, Question paper is set by a person, and that person cannot be a sufficient man to check all the traits of the person through one paper, because to do a single job it is mandatory to have set of soft skills as well as academic skills, therefore, one exam will get fail in this scenario. Additionally, the health of a man can also affect the person’s capability to give his 100% during his exam but it does not mean he is not the appropriate person to perform well in particular jobs. Moreover, it is important to see the knowledge of a person in every field, therefore, a single exam will not be adequate, because there is high possibility that person could clear the exam through maximum passing marks and he could be poor in some fields and excellent in some. In conclusion, it is better to check the growth of a person through various tests, so that the examiner can observe his skills and knowledge in all sections for the long time along with his behaviour, because it is pivotal to complete a deed. Otherwise nation will face deficiency of the good credentials and talent.
It
is observed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
that these days one paper is becoming the criteria to measure the efficiency of a child;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
are claiming that, it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be assessed
regularly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the efficient results.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
the country will lose the talent and innovation in the upcoming period. Individuals can feel the numerous disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
form to explore the intelligence and capacity
Use "(over)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
over
than fewer benefits.

Society is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
limited advantages of taking one exam to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the capability,
firstly
, the benefit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
exam is time effective, efforts of the examiner spent less
Comparison requires "than", not 'then' nor 'as'.
as
they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
schedule and examine the applicant for a day or for a few hours
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
,
thus
they can judge numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
persons
in one shot.
Secondly
, resources
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
saved in an immense amount. The observer
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
spend and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
arrangements for the short term during the whole course;
therefore
money and energy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
saved.

The limitations of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
having
the capable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
exam are huge,
for instance
, Question paper
is set
by a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
, and that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
cannot be a sufficient
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
all the traits of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
one paper,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
to do a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
job it is mandatory to have set of soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
as well
as academic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
,
therefore
, one exam will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
fail in this scenario.
Additionally
, the health of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
can
also
affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person’s
capability to give his 100% during his exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it does not mean he is not the appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
to perform well
in particular
jobs.
Moreover
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the knowledge of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
in every field,
therefore
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
single
exam will not be adequate,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is high possibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
the exam
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
maximum passing
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
marks and
he could be poor in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fields and excellent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
.

In conclusion
, it is better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the growth of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
person
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
through
various
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tests
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the examiner can observe his
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and knowledge in all sections for the long time along with his
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is pivotal to complete a deed.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Otherwise
nation will face deficiency of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
credentials and talent.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Learn everything you can, anytime you can, from anyone you can; there will always come a time when you will be grateful you did.
Sarah Caldwell

IELTS essay The pie charts below show the most common advantages and disadvantages of Bowen Island according to a survey of visitors

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
369 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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