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Do you agree or disagree? It is more important to keep your old friends rather than making new friends. v.61

It is more important to keep your old friends rather than making new friends. v. 61
In today’s society, people are leaving traditional eating habits and enjoying fast food as main meals to accommodate with rising contemporary lifestyles. While I accept that consuming these prepared foods can sometimes have a positive effect on the eaters, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact. On the one hand, having Fast food can be both time saving and entertaining. People have a little opportunity to cook at home, because more family members are busy in professional job life. Cooking at home is a time consuming and diligent task. After a day's hard work, It will be the most convenient choice for them to have a fast food as meal rather than cooking. For Instance, both my wife and I should stay out of home from morning to evening for our daily office works, and after a day's tireless work we barely could cook for us. Thus we prefer to have fast food at mealtime rather than cooking. In addition, having fast food is an opening for the person who wants to amuse himself by altering the usual mealy flavour. People could get bored after long time enjoying the same tastes meal, and enjoying fast food offers them a new experience. However, I would argue that these benefits are outweighed by the drawbacks. Most fast food items have little nutriment value. Its contain sugar, cholesterol and salt component which are extremely detrimental for individual wellbeing. Eating fast foods daily will make us have diabetes or gain obesity. The rise in overweight population has also been linked to these eating habits. Another downside is that many restaurant, snack processing systems are not hygienic. They have mixed different kinds of preservatives and chemical during cooking stages which are unhealthy for human being. A recent survey shows that in Bangladesh 40% restaurants are using chemicals for food preparation, which could be initiate the risk of diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart attack. Furthermore, the price of fast foods is more expensive, so it could enhance our daily living cost. In conclusion, it seems to me that the potential dangers of fast foods are more significant than the possible benefits.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s society,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are leaving traditional eating habits and enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as main meals to accommodate with rising contemporary lifestyles. While I accept that consuming these prepared
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effect on the eaters, I believe that they are more likely to have a harmful impact.

On the one hand, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
can be both time saving and entertaining.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
opportunity to cook at home,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
more family members are busy in professional job life. Cooking at home is a
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
time consuming
and diligent task. After a day's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work, It will be the most convenient choice for them to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
as meal
rather
than cooking.
For Instance
, both my wife and I should stay out of home from morning to evening for our daily office works, and after a day's tireless work we
barely
could cook for us.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
we prefer to have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at mealtime
rather
than cooking.
In addition
, having
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is an opening for the person who wants to amuse himself by altering the usual mealy
Possible spelling mistake. 'flavour' is British English.
flavour
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
bored after long time enjoying the same tastes meal, and enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
offers them a new experience.

However
, I would argue that these benefits
are outweighed
by the drawbacks. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
items have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
nutriment value. Its contain sugar, cholesterol and salt component which are
extremely
detrimental for individual
Possible spelling mistake found.
wellbeing
. Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
daily will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
us have diabetes or gain obesity. The rise in overweight population has
also
been linked
to these eating habits. Another downside is that
Possible agreement error. The noun restaurant seems to be countable; consider using: "many restaurants".
many restaurant
, snack processing systems are not hygienic. They have mixed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
kinds of preservatives and chemical during cooking stages which are unhealthy for human being. A recent survey
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that in Bangladesh 40% restaurants are using chemicals for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
preparation, which could be
Consider using a past participle here: "initiated".
initiate
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of diseases like cancer, diabetes, heart attack.
Furthermore
, the price of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
is more expensive,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it could enhance our daily living cost.

In conclusion
, it seems to me that the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are more significant than the possible benefits.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
The limits of my language are the limits of my world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay It is more important to keep your old friends rather than making new friends. v. 61

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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