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Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v.7

Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 7
Many young adults these days are preferring cities over the villages to reside, increasing the elderly proportion in the rural areas. This trend poses serious threats to the farming industry as well as the social life of the elderly. Certain measures can be undertaken to help minimize the negative consequences of such a trend. Firstly, a very basic reason to put a limit on migration of our rural working force to cities is to ensure the food supplies we derive from villages. Mega cities depend heavily on the agricultural food products. With less people working on farms, the yield will drastically be reduced. One simple solution to this issue is to educate adolescent about the role villages play in sustaining everyone. Additionally, temporary provisions could be made, for the youths interested in working in cities, at their home without altering the rural working potential. Furthermore, people mainly amongst the elderly age group are left behind, all by themselves due to settlements of their sons and daughters in the distant cities. Most elders cannot take care of themselves on their own. Such a trend will impair the quality of care they should be receiving and hence further having detrimental effects on their health. Lastly, as a possible solution, quality higher education could be made available to young adults opting cities for further studies, and thus allowing them to stay at home with the elders. Another example for an effective solution would be to make certain jobs and employment opportunities available in remote areas so as to cut down the migration rates. To conclude, there are serious concerns over youths leaving their countryside homes, opting for an urban lifestyle and certain solutions will help mitigate this problem if implemented correctly.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young adults these days
The verb 'preferring' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are preferring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
over the villages to reside, increasing the elderly proportion in the rural areas. This trend poses serious threats to the farming industry
as well
as the social life of the elderly. Certain measures can be undertaken to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
minimize the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of such a trend.

Firstly
, a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
basic reason to put a limit on migration of our rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
force to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
is to ensure the food supplies we derive from villages. Mega
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
depend
heavily
on the agricultural food products. With
Did you mean "fewer"? The noun people is countable.
less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
on farms, the yield will
drastically
be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
. One simple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
to this issue is to educate adolescent about the role villages play in sustaining everyone.
Additionally
, temporary provisions could
be made
, for the youths interested in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, at their home without altering the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
potential.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
mainly
amongst the elderly age group are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
behind, all by themselves due to settlements of their sons and daughters in the distant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. Most elders cannot take care of themselves on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
. Such a trend will impair the quality of care they should be receiving and
hence
further
having detrimental effects on their health.
Lastly
, as a possible
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
, quality higher education could
be made
available to young adults opting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
for
further
studies, and
thus
allowing them to stay at home with the elders. Another example for an effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solution
would be to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
certain jobs and employment opportunities available in remote areas
'So as to' expresses purpose and is used in formal texts. Consider using "to"
so as to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down the migration rates.

To conclude
, there are serious concerns over youths leaving their countryside homes, opting for an urban lifestyle and certain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
solutions
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
mitigate this problem if implemented
correctly
.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Some young people are leaving the countryside to live in cities and towns, leaving only old people in the countryside. What problems are caused by this issue? What can be done to solve this situation? v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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