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some people say learning at home or at school is better for children. what is your opinion? v.2

some people say learning at home or at school is better for children. what is your opinion? v. 2
Today’s children will become tomorrow’s citizens. So allowing them to interact with the community is very important. More than that every human is a social being. Schools play an important role in forming children’s social behaviours. So, in my opinion, teaching children at school is better than teaching a common place. The main reason why kids need to be sent to school is to get awareness about the society he/she will be a part of the future. Till 4-5 years, children normally with their family. Only after sending to education institution they will get a chance to mingle with the same age group. This will help them to improve communication skills, social awareness, skills to handle difficult situations etc. They will be able to do at least their own things themselves. Also, I think this is required to reduce their selfishness- they will learn how to share in schools. The other important fact is discipline. At home, kids always feel easiness. It will be always a tension free atmosphere for them since they are used to it from the childhood. Also, parents and other family members may not be as strict as a teacher in many aspects. So it is hard to get discipline in life for kids, those who miss school. The main reason for this is the freedom they get at home. Apart from all these disadvantages, learning at home has some merits too. The main advantage is kids will be more comfortable. Parents can decide or prioritise the topics to teach, unlike in some schools give over world to kids. The time to study can be flexible so that children will get more free time. And parents may be comparatively tension free too. In a nutshell, even though both methods have its own merits and demerits, parents should make important decisions about their children according to their circumstances and convenience.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will become tomorrow’s citizens.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
allowing them to interact with the community is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
. More than that every human is a social being.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Schools
play an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
role in forming
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
social
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, in my opinion, teaching
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is better than teaching a common place.

The main reason why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
need to be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
awareness about the society he/she will be a part of the future. Till 4-5 years,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
normally
with their family.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
after sending to education institution they will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a chance to mingle with the same age group. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
communication
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, social awareness,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to handle difficult situations etc. They will be able to do at least their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
things themselves.
Also
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this
is required
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their selfishness- they will learn how to share in schools.

The other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
fact is discipline. At home,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
always feel easiness. It will be always a tension free atmosphere for them since they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to it from the childhood.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and other family members may not be as strict as a teacher in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
discipline in life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
, those who miss
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The main reason for this is the freedom they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
at home.

Apart from all these disadvantages, learning at home has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
merits too. The main advantage is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
will be more comfortable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can decide or
Possible spelling mistake. 'prioritise' is British English.
prioritise
the topics to teach, unlike in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
give over world to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. The time to study can be flexible
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more free time. And
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may be
comparatively
Consider using a past participle here: "tensioned".
tension
free too.

In a nutshell,
even though
both methods have its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
merits and demerits,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
decisions about their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
according to their circumstances and convenience.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
One who speaks only one language is one person, but one who speaks two languages is two people.
Turkish proverb

IELTS essay some people say learning at home or at school is better for children. what is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
313 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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