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Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. v. 1
Some people hold that there is no need for employers to focus on their workers’ dress. It is the quality of work that should be worth attention. However, I claim that both dress and quality of the work should be highlighted. The proponents agree that if regulations are set in a bid to manage employees’ dress or if employees are all required to be dressed in the uniforms, their working enthusiasm may be negatively influenced as they were not given enough freedom to demonstrate their personal styles, they may feel their boss interference too much about their daily working life, thus impact on the quality of the work. In this circumstance, it is employees’ working quality rather than the dress that should be concerned about. However, when we turn to the other side of the argument, there are some points in favor of that the employees’ dress also plays an important role in the operation of the company. First and foremost, some workers are required to dress uniforms because it represents the corporate image, especially in some important occasions where employers had to have face-to-face communication with those workers, uniforms make it easy for customers to identify them. Second, compared with an awful dress, a stylish dress can ensure a pleasant working atmosphere for employees because people are visual animals, thus increasing the working efficiency. In conclusion, I believe that both both employees’ dress and the quality of the work should be concerned about because they are important to the running of the whole company.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold that there is no need for employers to focus on their workers’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
. It is the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
that should be worth attention.
However
, I claim that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be highlighted
.

The proponents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that if regulations
are set
in a bid to manage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
or if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are all required to
be dressed
in the uniforms, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
enthusiasm may be
negatively
influenced as they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
freedom to demonstrate their personal styles, they may feel their boss interference too much about their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
life,
thus
impact on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In this circumstance, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
that should
be concerned
about.

However
, when we turn to the other side of the argument, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
points in favor of that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
also
plays an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
role in the operation of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
First
and foremost,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
workers
are required
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
uniforms
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it represents the corporate image,
especially
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
occasions where employers had to have face-to-face communication with those workers, uniforms
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easy for customers to identify them. Second, compared with an awful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
, a stylish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
can ensure a pleasant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
atmosphere for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are visual animals,
thus
increasing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
working
efficiency.

In conclusion
, I believe that
Possible typo: you repeated a word
both both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dress
and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
should
be concerned
about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
to the running of the whole
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that employers should not be concerned about the way their employees dress, but they should be concerned about the quality at work. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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