Do you want to improve your writing? Try our new evaluation service and get detailed feedback.
Check Your Text it's free

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your experience. v.6

Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 6
Nowadays some parents afford to use all of their children's free activities for learning because they will waste their children's time if they do not give them education sooner. It might be sensible for some reason. Thus, giving children chance to approach knowledge sooner brings benefits to them and their parents as well. At first, parents will have advantages when they teach their babies sooner than the others. Children normally have about five years before they are taken to the school. In other words, when parents wat to use these type of time to support them insight, and teach them skills or some qualities of a good person such as being calm, careful, kind and so on. With these kind of quality, they will be much more confident than the others. For instance, my boss has two children and his oldest daughter has been taking to the institute two years sooner than normal ones. The result of this is she has performed quite well at the primary institute both for her qualities and her knowledge. In addition, money may also be a foremost reason that many parents concern when they give education to their children. Although not everyone has enough resources to invest to their next generation, they also want their children being taught at a high quality institute and being much more affordable as well. As a result of this, it is a common trend to take their children's leisure time to learn because someone stated that time is property. My neighbour's children, for example, have been taken to the kindergarten so that their parents are too busy at work and they are not able to spend all time for their beloved. All in all, I think this should be acceptable for parents when giving education to their children instead of letting them being leisure. However, parents should also follow their children's progress because they will be lost twice the resources if their children are free.
Nowadays
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
afford to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
free activities for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will waste their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
if they do not give them education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
. It might be sensible for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason.
Thus
, giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
chance to approach knowledge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
brings benefits to them and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
as well
.

At
first
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
will have advantages when they teach their babies
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
than the others.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
normally
have about five years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
they
are taken
to the school.
In other words
, when
Possible spelling mistake found.
parents wat
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to support them insight, and teach them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
of a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
person such as being calm, careful, kind and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on. With
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
, they will be much more confident than the others.
For instance
, my boss has two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and his oldest daughter has been taking to the institute two years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sooner
than normal ones. The result of this is she has performed quite well at the primary institute both for her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
qualities
and her knowledge.

In addition
, money may
also
be a foremost reason that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
concern when they give education to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Although not everyone has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
resources to invest to their
next
generation, they
also
want their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
being taught
at a high
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
quality
institute and being much more affordable
as well
.
As a result
of this, it is a common trend to take their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
someone stated that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is property. My
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbour' is British English.
neighbour
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
for example
, have
been taken
to the kindergarten
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are too busy at
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
work and
they are not able to spend all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for their beloved.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
this should be acceptable for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when giving education to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
instead
of letting them being leisure.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
follow their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children's
progress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they will
be lost
twice the resources if their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are free.
18Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
33Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are a complete waste of time. v. 6

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
327 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
Similar posts


Recent posts