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As well as making money, businesses have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

As well as making money, businesses have social responsibilities. v. 1
It is a highly debatable topic in people that companies should involved themselves in social responsibilities rather than just focusing on earning the profit. I completely agree with this view point. To begin with, prospective reasons why the companies should involve in the responsiblities towards the community. Firstly, majority of companies are compromising the environment with different problems such as air pollution, water pollution and noise pollution to earn huge profit in their business. For example, the dye making companies are creating unused highly toxid liquid which they used to dump in the river. Therefore, it is an organisation’s resonsibility to reduce the environmental damange by providing funding to the local business to clean it or by improving method of their work. Another point is that the company should fulfill their duty towards the community by paying the right tax to the government rather than involving only on earning the money. The collected fund with this method helps the authority to provide basic necessary things to the community. For instance, facilities such as road mantainance, water supply and dranage are being managed from the tax fund. Thus, because of the company using such facilities regularly in their business, the firm should also consider to pay the taxes, which will indirectly benefitial to themselves and to the society. In conclusion, while some enterprise only focusing on earning the money, the organisation should also consider to fulfill different social liabilities such as paying the tax and helping to cover the environment damage which will be benefited to them too. Hence, the company should not only target the raising revenue but also to cover the social responsibilites they have for the locality.
It is a
highly
debatable topic in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should
The verb 'should' requires the base form of the verb: "involve"
involved
themselves in social responsibilities
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
focusing on earning the profit. I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this view point.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, prospective reasons why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should involve in the
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsiblities
towards the community.
Firstly
,
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are compromising the environment with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
problems such as air pollution, water pollution and noise pollution to earn huge profit in their business.
For example
, the dye making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are creating unused
highly
Possible spelling mistake found.
toxid
liquid which they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to dump in the river.
Therefore
, it is an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
’s
Possible spelling mistake found.
resonsibility
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the environmental
Possible spelling mistake found.
damange
by providing funding to the local business to clean it or by improving method of their work.

Another point is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should fulfill their duty towards the community by paying the right
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
rather
than involving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
on earning the money. The collected fund with this method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
the authority to provide basic necessary things to the community.
For instance
, facilities such as road
Possible spelling mistake found.
mantainance
, water supply and
Possible spelling mistake found.
dranage
are
being managed
from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
fund.
Thus
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
using such facilities
regularly
in their business, the firm should
also
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider paying".
consider to pay
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
taxes
, which will
indirectly
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitial
to themselves and to the society.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
enterprise
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focusing on earning the money, the
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
should
also
The verb 'consider' is used with the gerund form: "consider fulfilling".
consider to fulfill
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
social liabilities such as paying the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tax
and helping to cover the environment damage which will
be benefited
to them too.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
should not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
target the raising revenue
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to cover the social
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibilites
they have for the locality.
15Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
11Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
14Mistakes
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IELTS essay As well as making money, businesses have social responsibilities. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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