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Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. Do you agree or disagree? v.1

Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. v. 1
There is always a discussion if aging parents should be sent to the senior homes or they should stay and live together with the rest of the household members. I personally believe that our parents, our ancestors, should have that privilege to stay and live with us during their lifetime. However, there exist some situations when it is too hard to manage todays busy lifestyle and provide care in the meantime. Firstly, giving up to take care of someone that has been raising us up and providing support during our entire life can be considered to be very unethical. As a children we are not able to take care of ourselves, to survive and to gain knowledge without someone who is willing to sacrifice his time in order to provide us with all mentioned. Therefore, when their moment comes, I refer to their third age, it should be imperative to provide an assistance and let our parents share the same living space with us. Aging is a natural process and all of us will hopefully be old enough and still have an desire to be members of an active community. Secondly, sometimes even if you have an enormous will, it's very hard to maintain a normal life together with the rest of your aged family. The question is what is happening with the elders that have some health problems and need constant health care. I believe that most of the senior homes emerged because people are super busy and they don't have time to provide proper care to their parents. Specifically, only for this type of cases I can say that the senior homes are only right solution. To sum up I want to give an example of my family and my grandmother that had lived with us for some period of time. Although we gave our best efforts and had immensely wished for her to stay with us, it was impossible due to her health problems. I strongly support that we should provide care to our parents whenever we can but there exist some situations when the professional care such as the senior home is the only proper solution.
There is always a discussion if aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sent
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
Use a comma before 'or' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
homes or
they should stay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
together with the rest of the household members. I
personally
believe that our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, our ancestors, should have that privilege to stay and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
with us during their lifetime.
However
, there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations when it is too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to manage
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
busy lifestyle and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
in the meantime.

Firstly
, giving up to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of someone that has been raising us up and providing support during our entire life can
be considered
to be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unethical. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a child" or simply "children"?
a children
we are not able to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of ourselves, to survive and to gain knowledge without someone who is willing to sacrifice his time in order to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
us with all mentioned.
Therefore
, when their moment
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
, I refer to their third age, it should be imperative to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
an assistance and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
share the same living space with us. Aging is a natural process and all of us will
hopefully
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
and
still
have
Use "a" instead of 'an' if the following word doesn't start with a vowel sound, e.g. 'a sentence', 'a university'
an
desire to be members of an active community.

Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
even if you have an enormous will, it's
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to maintain a normal life together with the rest of your aged family. The question is what is happening with the elders that have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems and need constant health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
. I believe that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
emerged
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are super
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
busy and
they don't have time to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
proper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
.
Specifically
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
for this type of cases I can say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
homes
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
right solution.

To sum up I want to give an example of my family and my grandmother that had
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
with us for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
period of time. Although we gave our best efforts and had
immensely
wished for her to stay with us, it was impossible due to her health problems. I
strongly
support that we should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
whenever we can
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there exist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situations when the professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
such as the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
senior
home is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
proper solution.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that elderly parents ought to live at senior homes. Other believe that they should live with family members. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
360 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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