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Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.3

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 3
Although many individuals claim that senior labour force is beneficial for the sake of a corporation, others think that young workers are far better. In this essay, I agree that hiring old people have a competitive advantage over hiring a young worker. This essay will discuss both points of views. On the one hand, many people consider that elderly employees are able to make a bigger impact on their companies positively. Moreover, older employees have a great amount of experience related to their area of specialization. It is therefore agreed, being an expert for a position to make good decisions take more than a decade of background. For example, a recent Cambridge study showed that 75% of companies prefer to employ older people who are usually capable to cope with problems thanks to their maturity. Therefore, it is obviously the case that generally young professionals are unable to reach the desired level in their young ages, unlike aged ones. On the other hand, it is believed by some that young professionals are better. This is because not only they are of great energy to realise required tasks, but also, they are usually open to learning new skills to soar their knowledge. Despite this, many responsibilities require a high level of experience which solely can be obtained from years of working in a particular area. For instance, a study by Oxford found that an area of specialization in a certain business requires more than a decade of working background. Thus, it is certainly the case that generally elder people have a great contribution to a company. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I think that businesses can hire an aged workforce in order to utilize their experience to increase their profit. However, companies will start to bring older workers and young professionals to share their skills to increase efficiency.
Although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals claim that senior
Possible spelling mistake. 'labour' is British English.
labour
force is beneficial for the sake of a corporation, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
workers are far better. In this essay, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that hiring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a competitive advantage over hiring a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
worker. This essay will discuss both points of views.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
consider that elderly employees are able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a bigger impact on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
positively
.
Moreover
, older employees have a great amount of experience related to their area of specialization. It is
therefore
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
, being an expert for a position to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
decisions take more than a decade of background.
For example
, a recent Cambridge study
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
showed
that 75% of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
prefer to employ older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are
usually
capable to cope with problems thanks to their maturity.
Therefore
, it is
obviously
the case that
generally
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
professionals are unable to reach the desired level in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
ages, unlike aged ones.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
professionals are better. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they are of great energy to
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
required tasks,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
, they are
usually
open to learning new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to soar their knowledge. Despite this,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
responsibilities require a high level of experience which
solely
can
be obtained
from years of working in a particular area.
For instance
, a study by Oxford found that an area of specialization in a certain business requires more than a decade of working background.
Thus
, it is
certainly
the case that
generally
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a great contribution to a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
.

In conclusion
, while
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may vary in their opinion, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that businesses can hire an aged workforce in order to utilize their experience to increase their profit.
However
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to bring older workers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
professionals to share their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
to increase efficiency.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company, while others believe that young employees are better. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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