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Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company while others believe that young employees are better. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company while others believe that young employees are better. v. 2
In this day and age, companies want to recruit only skilled and efficient individuals. Therefore, many individuals have an opinion that older age employees are beneficial for corporations, while others think that younger generation contributes more towards its growth. In this essay, I will discuss from both sides and put forward my point of view at the end. It is right that there is no existence of an organisation without its employees and elderly workers are the gems for any department as they own an enormous experience in their work. They might have faced almost every type of difficulty in the past, thus, they know how to tackle them. Moreover, they have an ample amount of patience to deal with unfavourable situations. This is the reason why some employers call their ex-employees at work again and most of the senior personnel at workplaces are mature persons. There is no doubt that oldsters play a critical role in companies, however the junior staff has their own benefits and they are equally important too. Firstly, work style of youths are more energetic and dynamic and they complete the assigned tasks with full of enthusiasm in order to get promotions and incentives. Secondly, businesses are more tech-friendly now, thus, managers want to recruit those employees who are moving in pace with latest technological advancements and today's youngsters are well-trained in handling them. This characteristic makes them the foremost choice of the recruiters. Furthermore, they adapt the changes flexible and always ready to learn new skills. To summarize, I would say that all the employees are crucial for the company's overall development. If old ones have a lot of experience, then youth is full of energy and technical skills. Both have their own traits which would contribute constructively in the building of a firm.
In this day and age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
want to recruit
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
skilled and efficient individuals.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
individuals have an opinion that older age
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are beneficial for corporations, while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that younger generation contributes more towards its growth. In this essay, I will discuss from both sides and put forward my point of view at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

It is right that there is no existence of an
Possible spelling mistake. 'organisation' is British English.
organisation
without its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
and elderly workers are the gems for any department as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
an enormous experience in their work. They might have faced almost every type of difficulty in the past,
thus
, they know how to tackle them.
Moreover
, they have an ample amount of patience to deal with
Possible spelling mistake. 'unfavourable' is British English.
unfavourable
situations. This is the reason why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
employers call their ex-employees at work again and most of the senior personnel at workplaces are mature persons.

There is no doubt that oldsters play a critical role in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
,
however
the junior staff has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
benefits and
they are
equally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
too.
Firstly
, work style of youths are more energetic and
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
dynamic and
they complete the assigned tasks with full of enthusiasm in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
promotions and incentives.
Secondly
, businesses are more tech-friendly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
thus
, managers want to recruit those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
who are moving in pace with
A determiner is probably missing here: "the latest".
latest
technological advancements and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's youngsters are well-trained in handling them. This characteristic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them the foremost choice of the recruiters.
Furthermore
, they adapt the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
flexible and always ready to learn new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

To summarize
, I would say that all the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
employees
are crucial for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
's
overall
development. If
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
ones have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
experience, then youth is full of energy and technical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. Both have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
traits which would contribute
constructively
in the building of a firm.
12Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people believe that elderly employees are more useful to a company while others believe that young employees are better. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
300 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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