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20. Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

20. Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. v. 1
Gender discrimination can be seen some part of the society even today. There are several experts say that there must be the same status for both sexes, those who oppose this believe that women cannot contribute to the most of the workplaces as male do, due to the physical inability. On the one hand, many people argue that female workers should be given as equal status as male staff hold, and I strongly support with this viewpoint. One of the main reasons why this believe is so strong, that there are many smart, qualified woman work in various force departments: army, air force, police and BSF. They are capable of taking crucial decisions concerning Country 's security. Physical challenges, however, due to the advent of the modern technologies and facilities, such issues can be reduced significantly. Keeping females away from the main stream was the agenda of the old patriarchal society, but this system has been transformed in a great pace. Nevertheless, despite the above consideration, opponents point out that since female body has some limitations, this would make them unsuitable for physically demanding jobs. Even though they are selected in some forces, they are given the positions which related to hospitality, rather than low enforcement. For instance, in army, women staff has enrolled in different positions such as nurse, doctor, and accountant rather than artillery. In other words, this shows that man is physically strong, which is inherited in them while their counterparts are suitable for other jobs. Both are good at thier fields than their opposite sex in most of the cases, if they work based on their physical abilities By way of conclusion, while many argue that both men and women should be given equal employment opportunities, others oppose this. I personally support the former's view as modern developments can surpass many problems related to the physique.
Gender discrimination can be
seen
some
part of the society even
today
. There are several experts say that there
must
be the same status for both sexes, those who oppose
this believe
that women cannot contribute to the most of the workplaces as male do, due to the physical inability.

On the one hand,
many
people
argue that female workers should be
given
as equal status as male staff hold, and I
strongly
support with this viewpoint. One of the main reasons why
this believe
is
so
strong, that there are
many
smart, qualified woman work in various force departments: army, air force, police and BSF. They are capable of taking crucial decisions concerning Country 's security. Physical challenges,
however
, due to the advent of the modern technologies and facilities, such issues can be
reduced
significantly
. Keeping females away from the main stream was the agenda of the
old
patriarchal society,
but
this system has
been transformed
in a great pace.

Nevertheless
, despite the above consideration, opponents point out that since female body has
some
limitations, this would
make
them unsuitable for
physically
demanding jobs.
Even though
they
are selected
in
some
forces, they are
given
the positions which related to hospitality,
rather
than low enforcement.
For instance
, in army, women staff has enrolled in
different
positions such as nurse, doctor, and accountant
rather
than artillery.
In other words
, this
shows
that
man
is
physically
strong, which
is inherited
in them while their counterparts are suitable for other jobs. Both are
good
at
thier
fields than their opposite sex in most of the cases, if they work based on their physical
abilities


By way of conclusion, while
many
argue that both
men
and women should be
given
equal employment opportunities, others oppose this. I
personally
support the former's view as modern developments can surpass
many
problems related to the physique.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay 20. Some people believe that women should play an equal role as men in a country’s police or military force, such as the army, while others think women are not suitable for these kinds of jobs. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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