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Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v.1

Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1
It is true that people’s tendency to see films is decreasing in some places of the world. This essay examines the various reasons of this trend and tries to propose practical solutions for this menace towards film industry. To begin with, people have no sufficient free time to do their leisure activities as they are busy with their responsibilities: both professional and individual. For example, most of the people in India are doing full- time jobs without a break to meet their increasing economic needs for the family. Therefore, they may not get chances for enjoying cinema with their family or friends. Moreover, quality of the film is another important reason. To explain, some filmmakers do some compromises in different sections such as casting, editing and visual effects, while making new films and create poor quality movies. Such type of movies makes boredom for the audience very easily and as a result, they have no interest to watch these. For all these reasons, cinema attendance is declining a greater extent in some nations. The availability of Smart TV, internet and computer has made it possible to enjoy movies at home and that is another reason people do not want to visit cinema often. However, there are several methods to tackle this issue effectively. Firstly, the government should reduce working load of people and make sure enough entertainment facilities for them in order to improve film attendance rate. In addition to that, the cost of film tickets should be reduced which would be helpful for ordinary people to buy film tickets from film theatres. Furthermore, all films should meet the basic standard to assure the quality. To be clear, standard films would be a visual treat for audiences and would also motivate them to watch again. By doing these methods issue can be solved to a certain extent. To conclude, due to above-mentioned reasons people’s desire to watch movies is diminishing. I hope authority will consider the remedial measures to enhance cinema attendance.
It is true that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
films is decreasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places of the world. This essay examines the various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
of this trend and tries to propose practical solutions for this menace towards film industry.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have no sufficient free time to do their leisure activities as they are busy with their responsibilities: both professional and individual.
For example
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in India are doing full- time jobs without a break to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
their increasing economic needs for the family.
Therefore
, they may not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chances for enjoying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
with their family or friends.
Moreover
, quality of the film is another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
filmmakers do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
compromises in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
sections such as casting, editing and visual effects, while making new films and create poor quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
. Such type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
boredom for the audience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
easily
and
as a result
, they have no interest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
these. For all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendance is declining a greater extent in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations. The availability of Smart TV, internet and computer has made it possible to enjoy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
at home and
that is
another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not want to visit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
.

However
, there are several methods to tackle this issue
effectively
.
Firstly
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
working load of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
entertainment facilities for them in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
film attendance rate.
In addition
to that, the cost of film tickets should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
which would be helpful for ordinary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
film tickets from film
Possible spelling mistake. 'theatres' is British English.
theatres
.
Furthermore
, all films should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the basic standard to assure the quality. To be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
, standard films would be a visual treat for audiences and would
also
motivate them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
again. By doing these methods issue can
be solved
to a certain extent.

To conclude
, due to above-mentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
desire to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
movies
is diminishing. I hope authority will consider the remedial measures to enhance
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cinema
attendance.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Cinema attendance in some countries is on the decline. What do you think are the causes of this development and what measures could be taken to solve it? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
332 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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