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Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. v.1

Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. v. 1
Some people argue that education is the most important factor in mitigating world hunger while other believe that providing food aid is more beneficial. Although food aids could temporirly resolve food scarcity among poor and starving people, I believe educating people on how to handle resources efficently is more productive. Many opine that food aid projects are best solution to end the hunger crisis in the world because they help people who can not afford meals. That is to say that those who have abundent food commodities or resources should provide their help to people who are on the verge of starvation in order to immediately save them from malnutrition. For instance, when South Africa suffered food crisis, UN mission provided them with food containers worth million of dollars and it helped the country in overcoming the food scarcity. Although, such food aids could provide an immediate help, I believe educating people is more beneficial in a longer run. On the other hand, some argue that education should solve world hunger because by teaching people on how to effectively ultise resources, the scarcity of food will ceasae to exist. When people are trained on not to waste food and use their meals in an effective manner, they could save tons of food yearly, as a result effectively reducing risk of hunger. For example Nepal’s school educational program on food ultisation, which was introduced in 2012, has help the country in saving billion of tons of raw vegetables yearly and decreasing the likeihood of country wide hunger. Therefore, in my opinion education can completely erradicate the world hunger. In conclusion, many believe that providing aid will rid world of its hunger, I believe that educating people, especially childrens, is best way to end this food crisis.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
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people
argue that education is the most
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important
factor in mitigating
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world
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hunger
while other
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believe
that providing
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food
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aid
is more beneficial. Although
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food
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aids
could
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temporirly
resolve
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food
scarcity among poor and starving
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people
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
educating
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people
on how to handle resources
Possible spelling mistake found.
efficently
is more productive.

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Many
opine that
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food
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aid
projects
A determiner is probably missing here: "are the best".
are best
solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
the
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hunger
crisis in the
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world
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because
they
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help
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people
who can not afford meals.
That is
to say that those who have
Possible spelling mistake found.
abundent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
commodities or resources should provide their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who are on the verge of starvation in order to immediately save them from malnutrition.
For instance
, when South Africa suffered
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis, UN mission provided them with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
containers worth million of dollars and it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helped
the country in overcoming the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
scarcity. Although, such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aids
could provide an immediate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
believe
educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is more beneficial in a longer run.

On the other hand
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
argue that education should solve
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world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
by teaching
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people
on how to
effectively
Possible spelling mistake found.
ultise
resources, the scarcity of
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food
will
Possible spelling mistake found.
ceasae
to exist. When
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people
are trained
on not to waste
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food
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their meals
Consider replacing "in an effective manner" with the adverb for "effective"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an effective manner
, they could save tons of
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food
yearly,
as a result
effectively
reducing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
.
For example
Nepal’s school educational program on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
Possible spelling mistake found.
ultisation
, which
was introduced
in 2012, has
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
the country in saving billion of tons of raw vegetables yearly and decreasing the
Possible spelling mistake found.
likeihood
of country wide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
.
Therefore
, in my opinion education can completely
Possible spelling mistake found.
erradicate
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
hunger.

In conclusion
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
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believe
that providing
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aid
will
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
rid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
of its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hunger
, I
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believe
that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
especially
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrens
,
A determiner is probably missing here: "is the best".
is best
way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
crisis.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
48Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
13Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Some people believe that education is the key to tackling hunger worldwide while others feel that the answer is in food aid. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
295 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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