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Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector, and this is leading to environmental damage. What are some possible solutions to this situation? v.1

Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector, and this is leading to environmental damage. What are some possible solutions to this situation? v. 1
In this day, it is noticed that the most of industries are manufacturing their product more than consumer need therefore, that result into environmental problems. This essay, primarily, evaluates the detrimental effect of surplus production of goods and secondarily, suggest some remedial measure to alleviate the problems. On the one hand, industries today using more resources such as fossil fuel to fulfill the demand of consumer. However, in modern days of competition, every company want to sale more product of their field than their competitors. Due to this they initiated making more product then the requirement. Consequently, for making more product they use more resources, and this result into the pollution and global warming. To exemplify, a recent research revealed that in Brazil, the excessive production of palm oil is the cause of deforestation and environmental change in their country. On the other hand, if the industries use alternate methods of energy such as electricity or hydro energy then the pollution caused by coal of fossil fuel can be reduced to some extent. To illustrate, a recent report shown by BCC news channel that in China, they implement a law in which, if industry manufacture more goods than requirement then they have to face plenty or jail. Hence, this may be a good example for other Nation if they follow same rules. In conclusion, it can be reiterated that the production of goods more than need is deleterious for both environment and that factory. Thus, if the factory made proper planning before manufacturing of products and uses of eco-friendly methods then this situation can be cured to few extend.
In this day, it
is noticed
that the most of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
are manufacturing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
more than consumer need
therefore
, that result into environmental problems. This essay,
primarily
, evaluates the detrimental effect of surplus production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
and
secondarily
, suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
remedial measure to alleviate the problems.

On the one hand,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
using more resources such as fossil fuel to fulfill the demand of consumer.
However
, in modern days of competition, every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
want to sale more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
of their field than their competitors. Due to this they initiated making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
Did you mean "than"?
then
the requirement.
Consequently
, for making more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
product
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
more resources, and this result into the pollution and global warming. To exemplify, a recent research revealed that in Brazil, the excessive production of palm oil is the cause of deforestation and environmental
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in their country.

On the other hand
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
alternate methods of energy such as electricity or hydro energy then the pollution caused by coal of fossil fuel can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent. To illustrate, a recent report shown by BCC news channel that in China, they implement a law in which, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
manufacture more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
than requirement then they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
plenty
or jail.
Hence
, this may be a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
example for other Nation if they follow same
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rules
.

In conclusion
, it can
be reiterated
that the production of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
goods
more than need is deleterious for both environment and that factory.
Thus
, if the factory made proper planning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
manufacturing of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
products
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
uses
of eco-friendly methods then this situation can
be cured
Did you mean "too"?
to
few extend.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay Nowadays we can see definite signs of surplus production in almost every industry sector, and this is leading to environmental damage. What are some possible solutions to this situation? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
269 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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