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do agree or disagree/ playing computer games is a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them v.1

do agree or disagree/ playing computer games is a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them v. 1
Technology has been flourishing by leaps and bounds and providing us new avenues while keeping ourselves updated with the latest news and current affairs. Therefore, a fair amount of people believe, a conventional way of newspaper reading will be disappeared. I do not completely with accord with it because the conventional newspaper is the easiest and cheapest way to get news. To embark on, there are multiple reasons why the traditional ways of getting news are still popular. First of all, reading the newspaper has become ardent habit of many people. Everyone, whether from affluent or middle class is seen desperately waiting for paper in the morning and enjoy it's reading with a cup of tea. Moreover, these are the most portable, cheapest an easiest way of knowing about the global activities. It can be carried from one place to another in bag and available at economical prices. It is so handy and merely by continuing flip of pages can make you omniscient. Secondly, electricity and other appliances are not required. Moreover, the other attachments are like icing on the cake. For instance, the Hindustan have times has multiple attachments like women’s fashion, career guide, culinary art and so on. However, undoubtedly, technology has given the radical approach to reading news, for example, the videos provide a full and clear view to reading besides that we can download, share and forward it to our relatives and friends. Needless to say that technophobic will be having no place in this ever-advanced modern world. To conclude, the lives of people are drastically affected by advanced versions of technology yet, in my opinion, it will not be able to pose threat to the existing traditional newspaper and magazines.
Technology has been flourishing by leaps and bounds and providing us
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
avenues while keeping ourselves updated with the latest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
affairs.
Therefore
, a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fair
amount of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe, a conventional way of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
will
be disappeared
. I do not completely with accord with it
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
is the easiest and cheapest way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
news.

To embark on, there are multiple reasons why the traditional ways of getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
are
still
popular.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
has become ardent habit of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. Everyone, whether from affluent or middle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
desperately
waiting for paper in the morning and enjoy it's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
with a cup of tea.
Moreover
, these are the most portable, cheapest
Use "the" with the superlative.
an
easiest way of knowing about the global activities. It can
be carried
from one place to another in bag and available at economical prices. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
handy and
merely
by continuing flip of pages can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
you omniscient.
Secondly
, electricity and other appliances are not required.
Moreover
, the other attachments are like icing on the cake.
For instance
, the Hindustan have times has multiple attachments like women’s fashion, career guide, culinary art and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
on.

However
,
undoubtedly
, technology has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
the radical approach to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
news
,
for example
, the videos provide a full and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
view to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
besides
that we can download, share and forward it to our relatives and friends. Needless to say that
Possible spelling mistake found.
technophobic
will be having no place in this ever-advanced modern world.

To conclude
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
drastically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by advanced versions of technology
yet
, in my opinion, it will not be able to pose threat to the existing traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
newspaper
and magazines.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay do agree or disagree/ playing computer games is a waste of time and children should not be allowed to play them v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
285 words
7.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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