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Some people believe that crime rate can be reduced by giving a long punishment, while others say there are alternate ways to reduce crime. Discuss both ways and give your opinion. v.2

Some people believe that crime rate can be reduced by giving a long punishment, while others say there are alternate ways to reduce crime. v. 2
It is argued that, the crime rates soaring beyond the limits in the twenty first century. Some people feel that long punishments will deter people from ding crime, while other think there are alternative ways to decrease crime rates. This essay discuss both arguments before draw a conclusion. TO begin with, the people who say crime rates can be reduced with long term punishments put forward some reason to clarify their argument. First of all, they claim that small term punishments will not deter people from engaging criminal activities in future. For example, in Saudi Arabia crime rates are lesser than other democratic countries. Experts say that, the length and severity of punishment here decreased crime rates. Another important point is that, the punished criminals soon come out after finishing their punishment periods and engage in criminal activities. For example, a murder in our place recently happend because of a criminal who had been just released from jail after serving his term. Thus, they argue that the length of punishment should be increased so that the crime rates come down. However people who support the former view also have some relevant causes to justify their stand. Firstly, they argue that to do crime or mistakes is human, so the law and order should give the culprit a chance for remorse. For instance, many cold blooded criminals have changed their mind after a short term punishment. Nobody have the right to punish somebody in the darkness of jail forever. The second point they raises is, the culprits too have a family and children their life will be miserable after he/ she jailed for a long term. They suggest some alternative solutions to curb the crime rates. First one is, rehabilitation programs for culprits who have finished their punishment period. Criminologists say that most released people again attracted to crimes because do no have any thing to do. If the government take initiative to open rehabilitation center, the crime rates can be cut down considerably. Another proposal from their side is to government should support financially to start small scale business. Having checked both sides I too agree with the former view point as it is more practical humanitarian. Therefore, governments should necessary steps to help the released culprits from jail in order to lead a peaceful life.
It
is argued
that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
soaring beyond the limits in the twenty
first
century.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel that long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
will deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from ding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
, while other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there are alternative ways to decrease
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
The verb 'discuss' is plural. Did you mean: "This essay discusses"? Did you use a verb instead of a noun?
This essay discuss
both arguments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
draw a conclusion.

TO
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
say
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
with long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reason to clarify their argument.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, they claim that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
will not deter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from engaging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities
Did you mean: "in the future"?
in future
.
For example
, in Saudi Arabia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
are lesser than other democratic countries. Experts say that, the length and severity of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
here decreased
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
. Another
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
point is that, the punished
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
out after finishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
periods and engage in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
activities.
For example
, a murder in our place recently
Possible spelling mistake found.
happend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
had been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
released from jail after serving his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
.
Thus
, they argue that the length of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
should
be increased
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
down.

Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
support the former view
also
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
relevant causes to justify their stand.
Firstly
, they argue that to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
or mistakes is human,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the law and order should give the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprit
a chance for remorse.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
cold blooded
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
criminals
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
their mind after a short
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
. Nobody
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
the right to punish somebody in the darkness of jail forever. The second point they
The pronoun 'they' must be used with a non-third-person form of a verb: "raise"
raises
is, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
Did you mean "to have"?
too have
a family and children their life will be miserable after he/ she jailed for a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
term
. They suggest
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
alternative solutions to curb the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
.
First
one is, rehabilitation programs for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
have finished their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
period. Criminologists say that most released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
again attracted to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
do no have
Did you mean "anything"?
any thing
to do. If the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take initiative to open rehabilitation center, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rates
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
down
considerably
. Another proposal from their side is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should support
financially
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
scale business.

Having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
checked
both sides I too
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view point as it is more practical humanitarian.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
The word 'necessary' is a noun or an adjective. A verb is missing or misspelled, or maybe a comma is missing.
should necessary
steps to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the released
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culprits
from jail in order to lead a peaceful life.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
51Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
12Mistakes
To learn a language is to have one more window from which to look at the world.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Some people believe that crime rate can be reduced by giving a long punishment, while others say there are alternate ways to reduce crime. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
386 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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